First of all I apologize for not being around much but as of late I have been going through some things, somethings that frankly I dont have the strength to deal with anymore. A few weeks ago my wife has told me that she doesn't want to be married to me anymore. That she says that within 5 years she doesnt see us married, I told her that if things didnt change that I wasnt gonna be around for 1 let alone 5 (thats when her eldest turns 18) Anyways we the next few days we discussed it and agreed we would try to work it out and see what happens, she feels she doesnt deserve me, that I am really good to her and her boys but realizes she treats me like complete crap. Well... I then went to CT for a few days as part of my birthday present, something inside me dreaded coming back, I came home Tuesday night and its like we never had that conversation she's not said more than 2 words to me all week didnt ask bout my trip , etc.... Its like I dont even exist right now, I get the vibe that she's just totally given up and I cant make it work by myself. So theres a good chance that there is a divorce coming because I cannot live like this, Im depressed, Im tired, emotionally drained. I dont mean depressed like gloomy I mean deep dark depression. Ive prayed as alot of others have on this situation. I dont know what to do, my first instinct is to move back to CT where I have family and friends and a awesome Pastor. If I do I intend to enter counciling, my head isnt on straight anymore and I just feel so out of whack.

So please pray for me, that he would give me the grace and or strength to handle this, and that I would hear his will and have the courage and strength to do his will.

Really sorry to hear about this Addy. Having been married for more than 20 years the Mrs and I have had some rough patches (and I almost left once). I will be praying for you and your wife, I really hope you both can keep it together.

Thanks I covet any and all prayers

We just celebrated 4 years last month, even then it was in a rough patch, I hope we can keep it together but I feel like its been me who does all the work and ive told her this. I do love her very much but I cannot stay in a situation that will slowly kill me on the inside

Maybe the two of you need to enter counseling together. Does your church offer marriage & family counseling? If they do, I would highly recommend that. If not, it might be time to do The Love Dare or one of Gary Smalley's marriage enrichment programs.

We've been married for 22 years, and it hasn't always been fun. I don't expect it to, either, as my wife has to live with me! I moved out once ten years ago (long story there) and we just basically had to start from scratch when we decided to get back together. It took a few years before I felt like I was able to return to ministering to kids.

Keep your chin up, man, and listen to whatever the Lord tells you.

I've suggested counciling because Im more than willing to jump into that, but it takes 2 to make it work and her reply was "Why I dont need counciling Its not going to change my mind"

We almost split a few years ago, but we worked through that, At times I suspect someone else is in the picture by the way she acts and the changes then I feel bad for thinking that and just dont know.... I had a sense of dread when I was leaving CT ( i was just up there for a few days to visit family and friends) and this was what I came home to, that and my work tools being stolen out of my car, but thats a whole different ballgame

Praying too.

I am so sorry to read this Addy.
Yep I know sometimes a marriage is not what you expect it was.
I think every married couple have good and bad times.
The good times are no problem, but the bad times.
God will show you His way.
You have to ask Him what to do.

Addy, know that when you ask God for help, to know what to do He certainly will answer you and help you.
Ask Him for what to do.

Yvonne its so funny (not in a ha ha way) that you say that, because today I took a long car drive where I just poured my heart out to God asking for a sign on what to do and to give me the strength and courage to his will I asked that he would reveal his will in a way that would leave me no doubt. Well I get home and my wife and I started talking and while its sad we're getting divorced our lives are going different directions we want differant things, and when we decided on that I felt nothing but peace. Yeah it hurts that she is no longer in love with me and there isnt another person she wants to be with. but I have alot in front of me as I plan to return to CT, In the end thats the best Ill need my family to get through this If i were to stay in TN as much as I like it here I would be miserable and it wouldnt be condusive to healing.

It sucks but I think this is for the best

Addy, I see this as guiding from the Holy Spirit.
I think Addy that God will be sad when your marriage will end in a divorce.
Maybe you and your wife don't know how to go on, but you know all things are possible in God.

Im not the one who wants the divorce, and God isn't the only one who is sad, I literally have a broken heart I cant think straight let alone plan relocating to save my life one minute Im fine and the next im full of rage, to make it work it has to be both not just one. If I am stuck in TN and cannot move back to where I have family and people who love me then I am gonna end up rotting on the inside because I have nothing here in TN. My wife was TN to me.

Shes already taken her ring off, I cant bring myself to do it.

Very sad to hear this Addy. I will praying that the Lord will carry you through this incredibly painful time.

Really sorry to hear that, Addy. I don't have any words of advice or help, as I'm not sure what to say. But I will pray for you in this very intense situation.



Fundy

Thank you all, I just have to trust the Lord to provide i just want to be where I am wanted again

Addy, my prayers are with you.
It makes me sad to read this.

My wife and I had been good friends since I was 19 which makes it 17 years

Any updates, Addy?

I called the Murfreesboro Courthouse yesterday and the judge has signed the Divorce paperwork so I am officially divorced now, some of ya might have been following my thread at the CMR but for those who havent and are interested heres whats been going on with me the last several months......

Jan/Feb- 2011- My ex-wife and I got into a huge fight over something so stupid and she was just aching to start with me, It got so bad I told my folks that If I didnt leave and soon that something bad was going to happen either to me or her I was almost at that point. So that next weekend my dad and brother flew down to move my stuff out of the apt and head back to CT, before leaving we filed the paperwork for divorce. Of Course my dad and bro got on their flight, landed, the connecting flight got canceled so they were stuck at the airport for 8 hours in DC and by the time they arrived we lost our reservation for the rental as they closed at noon and didnt open till monday (it was a saturday) so we got a hotel room and told the ex the situation, at first she was ok with it but then about 10pm she's demanding insisting that I get my stuff out which we did I didnt have a whole lot, We ended up not leaving TN till that monday. The drive back to CT was ok till we hit Scranton PA hit a snowstorm, and if youve been on I84 there youd know how lousy and hilly those roads are and this was at 4am so when we got to a stop we all waited at the rest area for the storm to clear which it did by 7am from there the roads were better but it was wet from there back to CT. Im living with my Aunt and Uncle and i was able to take my dog with me my folks dont have the room.

Feb/April 2011- When I left CT I started to learn somethings about my ex through a mutual friend of ours. Pretty much the friend who introduced us. I had learned that she had fallen out of love with me and that she was still IN love with her first ex who had moved back to TN in October, I had suspected that she had cheated on him, even then but I had no proof, (Ill get more into that in a bit) and that pretty much he had moved in to the apt that same weekend I left, I was still in TN well I told her that my name needs to be taken off the lease or I call the office and inform them. Which would mean that she would be evicted . And knowing her she threw her kids up as a shield, I didnt follow through on my threat but I have that power over her till June. Anyways In my anger I told her that I hated her. Which might have been a bit extreme but she had using me and dragging me along for about a year. All the while Im doing everything in my power to make it work. She at one point at Christmas time agreed to go to Counciling week later she changed her mind. Dealing with this has been very hard and very very painful.

When I got back into CT it seemed even still that things for me were going downhill. learning these things, my unemployment claim being denied. I was forced to quit my job because I couldnt transfer, fighting depression which I still am fighting at times. I decided to start looking at going back to school. Which ended up being as involved as getting a job. In the end I am now going to school online part time with the Art Institute of Pittsburgh pursuing a Bachelor's Degree in Web Design & Interactive Media. I am also in counciling with my pastor, and he's got somethings planned with the church that he wants me involved with so I am excited about that. Even done a few side jobs here and there on PCs but still no job. Anyways I mentioned earlier about suspecting my ex wife cheating on me when we were married. Back around Sept/Oct I wanna say I started noticing some growths I should have gotten checked then. But not knowing even if i had ins or not and thought nothing of it. Course as months went on it spread and got itchy and irritated so Ive applied for state ins here still pending approval, However my folks gave me the money to go get checked out and it turns out I now have a STD, HPV which recently was something i suspected. And sadly my doctor confirmed what i had suspected. My ex wife cheated on me. In males symptoms show about a month after initial exposure, and of course its sexually transmitted. So I now have my proof and I havent told her yet as I am waiting for results of the bloodwork making sure she didnt give me anything else. This development really has been devistating, I feel Rage and Anger and not just mild I can barely contain it. In an essence things for me will never be the same all because she couldnt keep it in her pants. I know it was her because 1) I never cheated on my wife NEVER. Ive been praying and asking God the best way to present it because my instinct is to unleash curses on her like she never heard or experienced. But it wont accomplish anything and it wont make me feel any better about it but this was the last nail in the coffin I feel nothing good towards her. I dont even hate her, as far as I am concerned she is dead to me. I remember the good times fondly but thats it. And of course everything ive said here ive said to my pastor. My goal is to be able to 100% forgive her for everything but as my pastor mentioned to me, I am still grieveing. Anyways..... thats the update

It's sad to read this all happened Addy.
It takes time to deal all that happened addy.
Know God is there for you and He will help you.

Welcome back to CHM.

Thanks

Without a doubt one of the saddest accounts I have heard Addy. Nobody deserves what you have been trough. You certainly have my prayers brother.