Controversy time...
Here's the scoop: We've been watching a Marriage series on Wednesday nights with Pastor Bob Coy. First 5 were great, then last Wed he went on an agenda that my wife and I weren't agreeing with.
The jist was, he was saying the "ideal" of the Bible is essential that a woman should be at home, dolled up for her husband when he gets home, with a clean house and dinner on the table. And implied that if she's not doing this, she shouldn't be surprised when his eye starts to wander.

To me, that puts the responsibility of the husband's fidelity on the woman.
Also, in our culture (as opposed to Biblical times), much of our health care and other vital areas would cease without women in the workplace.

My wife and I both work, have great kids, and most importantly: have a great marriage. We have many hard working wives in the fellowship that usually work even harder at their career and keeping a home (as did the Proverbs 31 woman, who appears to me to have been a "realitor").

The reason I bring it up here is, last night the Pastor and his wife came over and we discussed it for about 3 hours. We all somewhat agreed that it depends on God's call and placement of individual marriages today, but I feel that even their bias is towards the woman's place at home.

It sounds chouvanistic, but is it really what God wants in each marriage ? Is this clear in Scripture for today ? Is it a "matter of conscience" like a man having long hair ? Or are the majority of Christian marriages out of God's design due to the women working ?

Your thoughts... but more importantly, do you have Scripture to back up your thoughts ?

Well, here comes the neanderthal.....

Women should STAY HOME. If they are single, then maybe get a job until they get a man to take care of them. My opinion is that a woman should tend to the house and kids (and no, they don't need to go anywhere that they can't walk to) and have dinner ready when the MAN arrives.

My opinion is simply mine. Disagree if you will, but remeber not so many years ago when the woman stayed home and attended to the home, how much better things worked?







I now have my fireproof suit on, so begin flaming me at will.

Here's my views....

I think that one partner should stay at home SOME of the time to tidy and clean so that in the evenings both can spend time with each other and the kids. There's nothing worse than coming home and having to clean the house, wash the clothes, dust and everything else. So, if the couple don't have kids I would say one works normal hours (whatever that is, say 5 days a week) and the other works up to 4 days a week. It is important to look after family life and the evenings are the time when we can be really close with one another, chatting about many things and just enjoying each others company.

When kids come along I think that it is important for the mother to stay at home and look after them in the early years, after that either the mother or father can stay at home. When they get to school age then that parent can go back to work, but it is beneficial if one parent is there when the kids come home.

Scripturally I think it would favour the wife not working, but I don't think it's dogmatic in that regard.

For those who say "we can't afford to have one of us staying at home" I think isn't true (in the UK at least). A more honest answer would be "we can't afford to have one of us staying at home and carry on in our current lifestyle"

There was a programme on TV last night of a guy who claimed benefits each year, with his family and got £38000 ($76000) - I don't agree with claiming benefits to that degree, but everyone can survive with just one parent working.

These are just my views.

Either way, I don't think we can be dogmatic about it, and each person (or couple) need to decide what is right for them

Fundy

Fundy, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth.

I don't have time to look up specific Scriptures, but the husband is supposed to care for the wife, who is mostly responsible for the child-rearing and household. In short, the Bible may not say directly women must stay at home, it strongly infers it. That doesn't mean she cannot work (Pro 31 - she's a merchant of textiles BTW), but the primary focus must be the home and her family. I think that is nearly impossible if she's working a full-time job outside the home.

I agree with Fundy that most people can live off one income. We've done it now for over 7 years. When I lost my job, my wife eventually went back to work and I was the house-husband for several years. Now we have the best of both worlds, we both work part-time from our home.

Regardless of how you want to word it, I'm very opposed to child care and think couples should do whatever they can in order to avoid using it. Obviously, single parents don't have that luxury. I believe we're seeing that problem (divorce or unwed mothers) largely because children haven't been raised by their parents the past few decades - the family unit has disintegrated.

The lower class obviously have it much rougher. There's no way you can raise a family on a minimum wage job (barely on 2). That's where welfare kicks in, but then they have no reason to improve and seek more education to get a better job. There's no simple answers to this problem. It's one we'll try to address if our proposal for the community center is accepted, but who knows if it will really help in the long run?

Well put.

As MasterCard would say, "Priceless!"

Wow, thanks to all of you for great responses... my wife and I have spent quite a bit of time discussing this (ever since the video that night). I'm glad you guys have the spiritual guts to give your input. It IS a touchy subject, and has different responses.

There's so many scenarios that you cant narrow down a perfect ideal.

Let me throw a curve here and bring up the desire to work...
What if mom wants to work ? What if it's not about the money ? ... say the kids are of high school age and are well adjusted and self sufficient, and come home in late afternoon about the time mom and dad come home as well. All have equal amounts of chores and everything flows like a machine.

Is the woman staying at home a lifetime thing, or just during child rearing days ?
Is the mother staying at home a Christian-only thing ?

Other scenarios prove interesting... almost every incident of mothers drowning, or killing their kids in some way, were stay-at-home moms who's husband worked... I know that's a long shot, but it is of interest.

(please realize that I'm just throwing out "devil's advocate" stuff and don't necessarily adhere or reject stuff I'm raising here.. I just want input and ideas)

Man, all I can say Gary is, WELL PUT ! I really appreciate your input, as well as everyone's input here, this has been really helpful to my wife and I's discussion of the subject.

Again, I believe the videos we watched at church were not "delivered" well (and with several couples, not recieved well either). That's not to say he didnt have some great stuff for couples, we just felt like he had an agenda that all women should be susy-homemakers who are all made up and ready to be "there" for him as soon as he gets home from work... and if she's not that way, don't be surprised when he's going back out at night and fooling around.
We didn't agree with that whole chunk of the video.

But what everyone's sharing here sounds on the level. and again, I thank you for your backbones !