Something from the past has crept back into my life since the breakup. It is haunting me right now and I need to find the strenght in me to let God have ALL of my life, not just tiny parts. I'm sick of giving in and being robbed of my joy. Those who know me have a good idea what I'm talking about. My life is miserable right now. I feel so tired. After losing Vanessa, I felt like I had nothing left to lose and I sickened myself endlessly.

I'm so tired of being selfish and putting God in the closet while I destroy myself each day. I want Him to use me, to sanctify me and to mold me as He wishes.

I can't do this alone. Thank you for reading this, guys.

Martin

We'll be praying for you Endy.

1 -3 God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing.
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.

4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I'm not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd's crook
makes me feel secure.

5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.

6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I'm back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.

Martin even though you feel miserable now you broke up with Vanessa and life is not good for you it seems like God has forgotten you.
No, that's a lie God has not forgotten you.
The things from the past who came back, your job business.
God know when it's the time for you to deal with what happened in the past.
Keep in touch with God every time the past comes back.
Tell it all to God.
He will listen to you every time you come and tell Him about what you bothers.

It's something God taught me to to try to deal with the past.
Sometimes it takes a long time to deal with the past.
I hope you can feel God's presence in this rough time for you.

Psalm 23 the one who Fundy posted is a beautiful one.

Endy, I think I remember what you are talking about.
Do you have an accountability partner. Someone who will frequently ask you how you are doing in this area you struggle with (as do I). It truly helps to know that some other man may ask you about it some day (and regularly).
Feel free to pm me if you want.

I have an accountability partner thankfully. Thanks for the support. Yesterday, I said no to sin and yes to God more into my life. It was not easy but with the Holy Spirit I'm on the right way.

Praise God! Satan knows how to push our buttons so you need to have Jesus show him the door!

Great news Endy!

Well, the Lord has been working through me and I layed down some lyrics yesterday for a new Thrash song...



My Own Extinction

There is no end to pain
Sorrow is all I gain
When I trust in myself
And put God on a shelf

Through the pain that I live
I am self-inflictive
Endless aggravation
I am my extinction!

I will forsake my life
To find my rest in You
I will take my own cross
And listen to Your voice

Will I ever find rest?
Is this all just a test?
I long for Your caress
Amidst of all this mess

My heart is deceitful
But You remain faithful
With You I know I'm blessed
You fill my emptiness

Sounds great, can't wait to hear them set to music.

Thanks, bro

Love those lyrics, Endy. You really can't beat something that gives God the glory.

I'd echo what Gary said.

Fundy

Amen to that, Fundy.