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xenonlion

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Fri Mar 13, 2015 7:14 pm

So do I. Hugs are so powerful. Especially, if you haven't had one in a while.
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Fri Mar 13, 2015 8:08 pm

Hugs are good.  Unless your hugger won't let go.  Then hugs get awkward.
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Samson

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Fri Mar 13, 2015 11:00 pm

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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Sun Mar 15, 2015 8:58 am

Jim,

I'm praying for you dude. It's good that your wife is confident in you but you know, your vows were in health and sickness. Does she realize exactly how much pain you're in?

What do I know? I would just say that if you feel like she's pushing you and you can't handle it, if you don't tell her, you may end up resenting her. Just be honest with her. The promotion would be nice but not at the expense of your health.

But again, I don't know her so maybe that's not the best approach.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Sun Mar 15, 2015 1:40 pm

I appreciate what you're saying.  From my end, I think she wants what every wife wants, and that's a successful strong husband (the man she married).  And she definitely recognizes my pain and my myriad of health conditions, and has told me she's in this for the long haul - in sickness and health.  I just seem to get mixed signals from her on this issue though.  We were talking yesterday about me getting a car (since I have a lot of trouble getting in and out of my truck, and my truck is so rough on my spine), but in the midst of the convo, I simply said that it probably won't be too many years away and I ain't gonna be able to drive at all.  I can't twist to look over my shoulder anymore.  Anyways, I get the feeling that she WANTS to be that wife who can deal with a husband who has so many problems, but she also doesn't want me to throw in the towel yet, which I obviously don't wanna do either... but there's gonna come a point in the next few years where I will have no choice.  That's when I worry if we're cut out for the long haul.  My surgeon told me by 40 I'd be in a wheelchair... I'm 45 now and beat the odds.. but there's still merit to what he said.  Sitting down and getting up hurts terribly, and at least once or twice a day I'll have a gasp of sharp shooting pain from moving certain ways (always scares her, but I can't help it).

I believe she means well, and wants me to go as far as I can with as much potential as possible... but I haven't sprung back from my last surgery the way I did my first 2.... So we'll see how this goes.

And yes, I've had struggles with resenting her. Sometimes for good reasons, sometimes for the simple stupid reason that she's healthy and I'm not.  But I could never tell her something like that as she'd take it to heart and feel hurt thinking that I have ill-feelings at her. 
I think most men walk a tightrope in marriage, wanting to do their thing but finding that much of marriage is all about the woman.  Idk, perhaps I'm in a unique relationship. I gave her an "out" last summer when we were having a tough spell... but she said she aint going nowhere. She's in this for life. So, with that in mind, she's gonna hafta go through some even tougher times with me in the coming years... times that I can't control.  Should be interesting.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Mon Mar 16, 2015 9:28 am

I understand what you're saying. My wife and I have been married 13 years (not much compared to some of you) but for several years our marriage was all about her - "Happy Wife, Happy Life".

We did some counseling with our pastor (which may be an option for you - a safe, neutral environment to be honest) and a few Bible studies about marriage. I didn't push her and she didn't push me - we both ended up changing the way we view marriage. It isn't about me and it isn't about her - it's about representing Jesus.

Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching at you - I'm not, I promise. It's just that in 13 years we've been through a lot - my affair, therapy, infertility, adoption, her health issues, my depression and anger...

Feel free to take my advice with a grain of salt... Smile
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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Mon Mar 16, 2015 10:39 am

Quote :
I think most men walk a tightrope in marriage, wanting to do their thing but finding that much of marriage is all about the woman.

thats one thing I will say about my marriage...my wife and I each do our own thing and at times we come together to do our thing and my wife likes it like that...she doesn't give me any crap and lets me live and spend as I see fit...In fact she encourages me to go and enjoy myself...
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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Mon Mar 16, 2015 11:21 am

Tough Love time Twisted Evil

Three words: Erdheim-Chester Disease

I have what is called Central Diabetes Insipidus (water diabetes for the old schoolers or Diabetes Type P as some of us DIers call it Very Happy)  Sometimes I think I have it bad.  But then I read some of the messages on a couple of Diabetes Insipidus Facebook groups that I'm on and realize that my issues are miniscule compared to some others.  At least one person in those groups has Erdheim-Chester Disease and it's not fun.

Moral of the story 1; There are those out there who have so much more worse health issues than you.

Moral of the story 2: God is bigger than any of our problems.  We just need to lay them down before them.
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Driven

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Mon Mar 16, 2015 5:34 pm

Wow. This thread is pummelling my heart. I don't know how exactly to say what I want to convey, but I'm just humiliated by all this. To see all of you being very honest, talking about real things, is a huge challenge to me to do the same. I have a few things in my past that keep rearing up on me, so to speak, and while I'd like to share them here, I just don't feel capable. One thing that has helped me, though, is a counselor here at school; just about all the students have someone on staff that they can talk to whenever. I'm with a guy who, like me, is a social introvert and a musician, and so we get along pretty well. I hang out with him once or twice a week, usually for about half an hour or so, and we talk about things good and bad. I don't know if any of you have counselors or mentors, but I appreciate the role that all of my mentors have had in my life.

Also, if any of you want to talk about something or other, just shoot me a PM. I'm always happy to talk, or even just listen. After all, the story of Job includes a part where his friends just sat there and wept with him.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Mon Mar 16, 2015 6:56 pm

I appreciate your compassion.

I always consider the fact that there are others who have it worse. However, and I have a whole thing I wrote on this in the past, I refuse to use that as an attempt at comforting or trying to tough love someone to look at other people's problems -reason is: the person I'm helping has a problem or problems... and their problem is their problem at the time. Comparing theirs to someone with something worse doesn't soften the blow of what they're going thru at that time. I'm not trashing this means of perspective as its valid for all of us to stop and see that things COULD be worse... but I just feel it is not uplifting and helpful to many.  
In the past I've been on the brink of suicide with severe depression and horrible panic attacks... when I began sharing with a friend one day, he gave me the "others have it worse than you" remedy / tough love... when he left, I felt worse and almost went through with it.  It was then that I vowed never to use that statement to help someone. Again, it has its place, but I think it's a pat answer that could be dangerous in some situations.  

As for moral #2 I agree 100% but sometimes have great trouble doing what we're asked to do. I hope to be able to do this with my heart someday.... for too long I have been bitter and mad at God for these sufferings... and even mad at my wife in recent months... making me mad at the most important people in my life.  I should probably get counseling.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Mon Mar 16, 2015 8:44 pm

Driven wrote:
Wow. This thread is pummelling my heart. I don't know how exactly to say what I want to convey, but I'm just humiliated by all this. To see all of you being very honest, talking about real things, is a huge challenge to me to do the same. I have a few things in my past that keep rearing up on me, so to speak, and while I'd like to share them here, I just don't feel capable. One thing that has helped me, though, is a counselor here at school; just about all the students have someone on staff that they can talk to whenever. I'm with a guy who, like me, is a social introvert and a musician, and so we get along pretty well. I hang out with him once or twice a week, usually for about half an hour or so, and we talk about things good and bad. I don't know if any of you have counselors or mentors, but I appreciate the role that all of my mentors have had in my life.

Also, if any of you want to talk about something or other, just shoot me a PM. I'm always happy to talk, or even just listen. After all, the story of Job includes a part where his friends just sat there and wept with him.

I know a lot of folks don't like the guys at Bad Christian because they cuss and talk pretty freely about porn and addictions (saying they're bad, of course) but one of their podcasts a few weeks ago they were talking about how no one has it figured out, and we all have "crap" to deal with and instead of pretending it's the other way around, why not just be honest about it.
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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Tue Mar 17, 2015 10:42 am

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
I appreciate your compassion.

I always consider the fact that there are others who have it worse. However, and I have a whole thing I wrote on this in the past, I refuse to use that as an attempt at comforting or trying to tough love someone to look at other people's problems -reason is: the person I'm helping has a problem or problems... and their problem is their problem at the time. Comparing theirs to someone with something worse doesn't soften the blow of what they're going thru at that time. I'm not trashing this means of perspective as its valid for all of us to stop and see that things COULD be worse... but I just feel it is not uplifting and helpful to many.  
In the past I've been on the brink of suicide with severe depression and horrible panic attacks... when I began sharing with a friend one day, he gave me the "others have it worse than you" remedy / tough love... when he left, I felt worse and almost went through with it.  It was then that I vowed never to use that statement to help someone. Again, it has its place, but I think it's a pat answer that could be dangerous in some situations.  

As for moral #2 I agree 100% but sometimes have great trouble doing what we're asked to do. I hope to be able to do this with my heart someday.... for too long I have been bitter and mad at God for these sufferings... and even mad at my wife in recent months... making me mad at the most important people in my life.  I should probably get counseling.

No, it does not soften the blow.  But it should give you pause.  It should make you think.  That is the main reason behind it.

And it is good to be mad at God.  Let Him know why you are upset and mad at Him.  Lay out your heart before Him.  Do not hold back.  But then be prepared to hear God's response.  It may be something you read.  It may be something you see.  It may be someone you never expected talking to you.  Or it may be His still small voice talking to you and bringing you comfort.  Will your pain be gone?  I do not think so for God does not always work that way.  Will you find comfort? If you are receptive, I think you will.  As someone who also suffers from a disease that will most likely never go away, I can understand.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Tue Mar 17, 2015 2:13 pm

No, it does not soften the blow.  But it should give you pause.  It should make you think.  That is the main reason behind it. wrote:

And it is good to be mad at God.  Let Him know why you are upset and mad at Him.  Lay out your heart before Him.  Do not hold back.  But then be prepared to hear God's response.  It may be something you read.  It may be something you see.  It may be someone you never expected talking to you.  Or it may be His still small voice talking to you and bringing you comfort.  Will your pain be gone?  I do not think so for God does not always work that way.  Will you find comfort? If you are receptive, I think you will.  As someone who also suffers from a disease that will most likely never go away, I can understand.

THAT is excellent counsel - thanks for that !  I certainly don't hate God, but just as in every good relationship, the 2 involved don't always see eye to Eye... I tend to hate "this life" and it converts to hating the decisions made by the Author of this life... I really need to be broken, humbled and on my face before Him... but instead I've spent too much time being angry.
 I appreciate what your excellent counsel and I will be considering it in my prayer time and decisions. 

Again, this is why I love CHM... no judging, no one here acts holier than anyone else and we're all in the same boat- the "SS Imperfect Strivers" paddling towards the same destination: to be closer to our Father and grow in His grace and mercy.

I love all my Bros and Sis's here, and I mean it !
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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Tue Mar 17, 2015 11:51 pm

I want to ask some questions G/F..not to argue or be nosy but simply because I am curious (and struggle with this sometimes myself)...

Quote :
I tend to hate "this life" and it converts to hating the decisions made by the Author of this life
My wife found a verse in the old testament when we were studying Judaism that seemed to say that God creates us with the physical and mental afflictions we have (I will see if I can find the verse)...is this what you believe? I personally have a rough time accepting that myself and if that is how it is then  to be honest I think thats pretty screwed up...of course in the new testament Paul seems to indicate something different saying that God doesn't bring afflictions on us (of course we all know that God gave satan permission to really screw with jobs life)..its things like this that really cause me to question things sometimes..anyway, what do you think G/F?

Quote :
I really need to be broken, humbled and on my face before Him

here is another area I really have a problem with...I am curious if you could please talk about this...
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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:04 am

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
Quote :
Again, this is why I love CHM... no judging, no one here acts holier than anyone else and we're all in the same boat- the "SS Imperfect Strivers" paddling towards the same destination: to be closer to our Father and grow in His grace and mercy.

Actually, I do judge you but I'm so holy that I choose not to say anything Twisted Evil   My buddy Creflo $ only wishes he was as holy as I am Cool
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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Wed Mar 18, 2015 4:40 pm

I certainly won't debate what I believe about Scripture and what I believe.  I stand on what I spent years studying and will always believe specific foundations of my faith.  That said, I'm not a pretender anymore- I used to pretend I had no problems with some specifics of what is taught in God's Word... I now realize it's more realistic to be honest with myself and others (and in being honest, I've been able to grow and learn so much).

Now, as for my desire to be humbled, "broken" and face-down- This is a matter of my own hardened heart.  At one time I spent many years not fighting with God, but rather in a submission relationship with Him. This involved total trust and spending time with Him the way one would with their best friend. 
As the surgeries and health problems began to "Job" me out... I began to, like Job, curse the day I was born. As time passed, I allowed bitterness and cynicism (caused by my pain and inabilities to do the things I used to do) stifle my relationship and childlike trust in His will for me. I want THAT back since those years were the times I was closest to Him and made more of a difference in people's lives around me. 

I just miss that is all.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Fri Mar 20, 2015 6:27 pm

Just an update for anyone interested:

Me and our new Dr had a good talk and he's been able to help me some.
Since last week he's got me off all my pain pills and got me on a non - kidney destroying pain patch that is doing a really good job !  It doesn't make me sleepy, high or pill-headed, it actually takes the daytime pain at bay dropping me from about an 8 to a 3 !!!! I can deal with a 3 !

so anyways, thought it only fair to share the good stuff happening to me and thank you for the prayers that our Father has heard and acted upon in His great mercy !
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Fri Mar 20, 2015 6:37 pm

That's promising news!

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"I used to be indecisive.......... Now I'm not sure."
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Sat Mar 21, 2015 1:51 am

Awesome news!
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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Tue Mar 24, 2015 10:36 am

Glad to hear.  Amazing how things can change when we change doctors, huh?
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Haywire Health Week   Tue Mar 24, 2015 11:35 am

Good to hear bro.
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