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Staybrite

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PostSubject: My son   Thu May 28, 2015 12:44 pm

I would appreciate some prayer for my son.  His depression got so bad we had to take him to the hospital this morning.

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kerrick

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Thu May 28, 2015 12:51 pm

Prayers being sent up now.  How you holding up with it all?
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Thu May 28, 2015 1:10 pm

Praying for him - and you and your wife too.
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Thu May 28, 2015 2:31 pm

You got it!
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri May 29, 2015 7:22 am

I will definitely be praying.  As someone who has been hospitalized for depression several years ago, I understand what he is going through.

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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri May 29, 2015 8:13 am

Staybrite, your son is in my prayers.
It's hard to be so depressed to be hospitalized.
You and your wife are in my prayers too.
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri May 29, 2015 8:17 am

Very trying day yesterday. Still woking on the process of getting him some counseling.  Thank you for your prayers.

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri May 29, 2015 8:29 am

Keep us posted about your son's situation Staybrite.
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Dynamis

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri May 29, 2015 9:13 am

I struggled with depression as a young person and so am praying as well.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri May 29, 2015 12:30 pm

My prayers are with him and the family my friend.  Just keep stressing to him that it will pass for sure ! I speak from experience -though it seems like it will never end while you're suffering thru it, it WILL pass and better days come. Been thru it and you get stronger with each roller coaster dip. I'm sorry he has to deal with it, it is quite debilitating Sad
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri May 29, 2015 2:49 pm

Thanks for the support everybody.

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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Thu Jun 04, 2015 9:02 am

Staybrite, how is your son doing?
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:00 am

He is taking one day at a time (some are good some not so good).  He start's his counseling sessions tomorrow.  We are praying they will help him deal with being so blue.

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xenonlion

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Thu Jun 04, 2015 11:32 am

I hope he recovers well. Depression is really tough.
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri Jun 05, 2015 6:53 am

Counseling will be tough for him but necessary.  If you can get the doctor or therapist to recommend it, also have him tested for chemical imbalances.  Some folks lack the necessary brain chemicals to overcome depression.  This is known as clinical depression and can be treated with medication.  He still needs the therapy to give him some coping skills should he ever run out of meds if he needs them.  However, DO NOT let them medicate him if he does not need it.  Some antidepressants have some bad side effects.

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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Fri Jun 05, 2015 7:35 am

Staybrite I pray with you and Mrs. Staybrite in this.

That's a good advice don't let him take medications.

Depressions are hard to have, but when you are in them you can't see what others see.
I've always felt to be in a deep dark well.
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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sat Jun 06, 2015 1:47 am

How did the counseling session go for your son?

Been praying here for him, depression is tough to deal with.  I know quite a number (like most folks do I guess) who are going through or have gone through tough times.

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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sat Jun 06, 2015 11:14 am

Fundy wrote:
How did the counseling session go for your son?

It is a little tough to tell as it was only his first session and the therapist hasn't revealed much to us yet (I think she is trying to earn his trust).  The counselor is setting up an appointment for him to see an actual Psychiatrist because he takes medication for ADHD and they suspect it may be giving him some trouble with his "moods".

My wife and I believe he has an unhealthy obsession with his girlfriend.  Most of he mood and behaviour trouble started almost immediately when they started dating.....his grades also went from all A's to C's, D's and a two F's in less than 6 months.  Frankly I would love to see his relationship with the girl end, but I don't think having his parents try to drive him and his girlfriend apart would be a good idea.  I discovered that he left his computer running one day while he was at work and I started looking through his facebook pm's between him and his girlfriend (mainly just to see if he was revealing anything about hurting himself or his depression).  My wife joined me, but after a few minutes we quit (as most of it was just silly teenage boy-girl talk).  Well, his younger brother saw us do it (it's not like we were trying to hide), and revealed it to him last night.  He did not take it well and texted his mother that he was in essence going to refuse to share any of his life with us anymore.

My wife and I had completely separate reactions.  She got really upset and apologized to him.  I got really pissed off and haven't spoken with him (we haven't even seen each other since).  I'm am terribly conflicted about it.  Part of me want's to reassure him that the only reason I even thought to look at his "private conversations" is because we have worried about him for so long that we would do almost anything to assure his safety.  The other part of me want's to smack him upside the head and tell him to "man-up" and quit being such a self-indulgent child...and to try and think about someone other than himself.

I hate to say it, but at this point I am starting to wonder if it was a good idea to even have children, I am getting so tired of the drama created by their poor decisions causing so much stress for me and my wife. Certainly feeling like a failure as a parent and having a little trouble with my own depression as well.

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sat Jun 06, 2015 2:56 pm

Please please PLEASE don't allow those feelings of "failure" my friend !  I went through those feelings and they were more self destructive than beneficial.  
No, having kids isn't a great idea these days - I agree and that's my personal opinion, that this world is so ugly and anti-Christian and full of suffering that I think bringing another human into it is a bad idea... but that's not Scriptural, rather it's my personal feelings. 

I decided to adopt and raise my 2 kids as my own since they were already here (I refused to have a child with Lisa for the reasons I just stated). My son put us through hell (which is the only reason I can talk to you about this on a personal level).  It started with ditching in 9th grade, then unprotected sex in 10th grade, then horrible grades in 11th leading into major drug use in 11th/12th... At one time, I was so pissed at him for going on porno sites using MY internet connection (and remember, when someone uses your ISP to look at porn or any other bad or illegal things, the responsibility falls on the OWNER of the ISP, not the child) on top of that, one day he was typing to his friends that his parents are "F***ED" cuz we wouldn't let him go to a party - come to find out, they had plans to get wasted on Ecstasy at that party... I not only read that on his laptop without his permission, I picked it up out of his hands and threw his laptop will all my strength across the room !!  It exploded into pieces and I said "We're F***ED eh ??? We supply you will all you need and drive you wherever you want to go and WE'RE F***ED ?????!!!!".  
Needless to say, that was the end of his privacy and social life. We were an emotional wreck and I was at my sickest physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  But it was at that point he lost his privacy.  And I told him so. In order to save him from himself, I as his parent and the one with the responsibility of raising and training him to be an adult without ruining his life, had to step up to the plate and go the extra mile for about 2 years, so that he would be taught right and wrong, the hard way. 

I reiterated all that to say this Gary, it WILL pass, and you and your son will be tight again.  YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE and he is NOT done growing up... please don't give up. I speak as someone who once distanced myself from Cabe and wanted him to just leave... I still loved him, but couldn't stand him... Today, we're closer than we've ever been.  He hasn't returned to the Lord, but that's between him and God.  My thing was, I felt like I lost some time with him during my own frustration with him and should have loved him more unconditionally... as God loves us. While we were spitting in God's face and treating Him with contempt, God still loves us 100% and desires us.

I ain't telling you how to raise your kids, at all. You're competent and a child of God whom I thoroughly respect... but I feel compelled to share these things with you cuz I love you.  I want you to be comforted in knowing this is a short phase that will pass, though it doesn't feel that way at this point.
If you need to talk or anything, you know where to reach me brother.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sat Jun 06, 2015 3:15 pm

I'd also like to add from our own experience, when we took it personally and began to fight Cabe on these issues, it became a catalyst for him to feel justified in furthering his inappropriate activities... But when we stopped and just loved him while he was treating us like crap, though it took a little time, he finally came to a point where he felt ashamed of himself and realized he was hurting us, even though we continued to love him -his reaction became "I'm hurting the ones I love, and the ones who love me"... it was then that he realized he was crapping on everyone including himself, he then pulled himself away from the gutter and drew closer to his family than ever before.

So it's all in the approach.  I took it personally at first - and in between the crying at night and anger at him, I began to realize he doesn't truly understand the ramifications of what he's doing - so I began to love him, whether I felt like it or not. And like I said, he came around after a couple years.  
Today he's 22 and he is so affectionate with us, and will tell us how much he appreciates us not giving up on him.  I never believed I'd hear that from him, but it's now a reality and I thank God I didn't give up.
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sat Jun 06, 2015 3:43 pm

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

I reiterated all that to say this Gary, it WILL pass, and you and your son will be tight again.  YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE and he is NOT done growing up... please don't give up. I speak as someone who once distanced myself from Cabe and wanted him to just leave... I still loved him, but couldn't stand him... Today, we're closer than we've ever been.  He hasn't returned to the Lord, but that's between him and God.  My thing was, I felt like I lost some time with him during my own frustration with him and should have loved him more unconditionally... as God loves us. While we were spitting in God's face and treating Him with contempt, God still loves us 100% and desires us.

I have to confess that my wife and I have gotten to the point that we feel we are just waiting out the storm until he finishes high school and we can just send him on his way.  With what happened with our daughter and now our oldest son, we are getting tired and don't feel like we have the capacity to keep fighting the good fight.  Last night I thought to just quit communicating with him or even doing anything for him...but what kind of terrible message would that send to him.

I still love the boy, but I'm not even sure he has the empathy to understand what he is doing to us.  I pray that one day he will figure it all out.

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sat Jun 06, 2015 8:37 pm

Just had to add the small point that having children has helped me see some of the crap we put God through. Many times as I've gotten frustrated with them I've stopped myself and thought how I do the same thing to Him. Very sobering for me at least.

Hang in there!

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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sun Jun 07, 2015 10:24 am

topshot rhit wrote:
Just had to add the small point that having children has helped me see some of the crap we put God through. Many times as I've gotten frustrated with them I've stopped myself and thought how I do the same thing to Him. Very sobering for me at least.

Hang in there!

Very sobering reminder, thanks you for that.

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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Sun Jun 07, 2015 2:16 pm

topshot rhit wrote:
Just had to add the small point that having children has helped me see some of the crap we put God through. Many times as I've gotten frustrated with them I've stopped myself and thought how I do the same thing to Him. Very sobering for me at least.

Hang in there!
Good post.

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That is all I need to say.
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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: My son   Mon Jun 08, 2015 7:57 am

Ohhhhhh Staybrite, this is really tough.

I think it's not yopur fault all things like this happened.
No, you are not a failure, but an accepted and beloved child of God.
This negative thought and other things come from an other side.
The fath

Needless to say that you are in my prayers.
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