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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: huge life decision coming...   Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:06 am

Without going into great details, all of you know of my disabilities and some of you have inquired of me about going on disability.... well, the "talks" have officially begun.  

This is very private, as I don't want this to go public yet... but I've always had my CHM family to talk to, to share with, and to even "cry on your shoulders" over the years - therefore I wanted to share this with only you guys and gals (and to keep it here only -or in Private Messages).
Quite frankly, I'm a bit scared and nervous about this as it IS a huge life change for me.  My wife has always been supportive and understanding, but also knows that a man needs to have a purpose, a career, to keep him busy everyday -otherwise man, in his nature, gets depressed or gets in trouble if he doesn't stay busy... so it's been in our best interest for me to keep busy all these years.
The turning point for my wife though, was my recent MRI.  She's been in medical management for almost 30 years, and she said my cervical spine MRI is the worse she's seen.  She said over the years, people with HALF of the degeneration I have, went on disability.  She said this MRI changes everything. And I agree. 
We are currently working on our debts to pay them off with some of my retirement, so that will be out of the way. Then I will be taking the next steps to go on permanent disability.  It's going to take a while and a lot is involved... but I've felt for a long time now that this is what's best.

I appreciate all the prayer and advice I can get from my family here. Thank you for being here and for all the prayers.

(Oh and PS, my latest issue is a recently developed "popping" in the area of my Lumbar hardware. It's been a year and 3 months since my last surgery, and all of a sudden I have a weird popping -like when you crack your back on purpose -around my surgery area. It doesn't hurt so much as it feels weird and kinda wigs me out a little.... so, we have to xray it and see if my hardware is loose.....sigh)
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kerrick

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Tue Jun 09, 2015 11:55 am

I'll definitely be praying for you my friend.  This is big indeed.

As you said, we as men definitely need to maintain busyness and productivity.  But doing so goes so much further beyond fixing the plumbing or stringing the Christmas lights up from a ladder.  Ultimately, your wife, family, and loved ones need your love, encouragement, support, and wisdom more than anything else.  And there are many ways to channel that into projects and other such ways of remaining productive.  And if there's any age to not rely on one's body to accomplish great things, it's now.  With capabilities of computers and the many means of communication, a smart and talented guy like you can accomplish so much!  Take your Heaven's Metal project for instance.  You've forever immortalized all the information in those magazines that would have been ultimately lost or only known by a select few.  How cool is that?!?  This could actually be an awesome opportunity for you to focus on what you're really passionate about instead of working just to pay the bills.  In many ways, this could be something that allows you to live more freely than you are now!

Anyways, there's the half-full perspective...  I don't mean to downplay the pain, frustrations, sorrow, and anger you are experiencing and will experience.  Prayers will definitely continue.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:05 pm

Right on man. That's what I'm really trying to focus on right now = positives. The one thing my wife doesn't like is negativity - she can take any problem and keep things positive. I, on the other hand, have only recently been trying to be more positive in life. So if I can withhold "complaining" (which does no good anyway), then we can get thru this much easier. 
And like you said, there are many possibilities in keeping busy and constructive these days with the mind, esp since my body is junk. I've yet to realize where that's gonna take me... but I just need to focus on the present and what I need to do to do this correctly.  
It is rather scary though.
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:34 pm

Keeping you in prayer!
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Tue Jun 09, 2015 9:25 pm

You can have plenty of work to give you purpose even on disability.  How about flexing that artistic muscle again?  Perhaps it is time to finish that novel!  If you take this step, perhaps this is God's way of freeing you to unlock your creativity.

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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 7:51 am

That was exactly my thought too.
Maybe it's really time to quit.

I agree with the words of Chris Guily/Forgiven.

When I read that you often are in pain due your health problems it must be cool to take it easy and you don't have to go to your job every day.

Guitly/Forgiven, I'm sure when you ask God what is confirm His will.
He will show you His will.
He will take care of you.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 8:53 am

That's key for me right now. Listening to God and following His lead.

I have felt ready to go on Disability for over a year now, but I've doubted myself in that I felt if I could get up everyday and take a shower, then there's no reason I can't work.  But in the last 6 months, my pain has been so bad, I literally cannot concentrate on my work anymore - and my job requires no mistakes. I make a mistake, someone gets the wrong medication, they get hurt or die -I lose my license and my job.  So I'm def ready.  My concern was getting Lisa on board, as she felt the same way, that if I could just hang in there long enough, we could get some debt paid down and set me up for an early retirement.... however, this last MRI I had kinda freaked her out (not to mention me) - yeh, it's THAT bad.  The Dr showed me from the MRI that my neck is bone on bone in some places and this causes the nerves that thread through the little bone protrusions on each end of each vertebrae to be collapsed on, as there's no disc to hold them up anymore. He as well as Lisa said that it's the worse MRI they've seen... esp in someone as young as 45.

Long story less boring, we've taken the first steps towards this Disability gig and it looks like it's gonna take a few months just to get this going. I hate dealing with this kinda junk... but alas, this is where I'm at, no choice in this.
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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 2:57 pm

The guys make some great points.  Especially Kerrick.  With this modern age of computers, internet and doing everything from home there is a myriad of stuff that can be done.  You've shown your strengths in getting the HM stuff done and I'm sure you could broaden your horizons doing similar such things.  IF you love that sort of thing, then go for it.
Currently I'm scanning and recording all the paper products from where I work, right back to the 1960's, just because I love that sort of thing.  I'm even doing it in my own time.
And that's the thing, if you love doing it, then go for it.
As for going on disability, then I say that's a good thing.  A lot of folks get to a point in life (whenever that be) and need some kind of help, and it's important to realise the right time to act on that and ask for assistance.  I think you're doing a good thing AND the right thing.

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Three Things for a better life...
1 - Believe In Jesus.
2 - Love one another.
3 - Let God be the judge.

That is all I need to say.
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 3:02 pm

Praying for you and Mrs G/F.  I know a few people on disability who seem to be in much better shape physically than you are.
I think this could be an awesome new chapter in your life.  Just imagine everything you could do with an extra 8 hours each day!  I started writing a short memoir of sorts centered around my time in the military but shelved it a few years back with it only about 20-30% complete.  If I could find 10 hours a week to dedicate to it I would be tickled.  You may end up doing something even more rewarding than work.  But you have to do something.  I remember being unemployed for a few weeks twice and it was emotionally crippling for me, you won't be able to let anything like that happen.  As Alldat suggested it might not be a bad idea to sharpen up your art work and see if you can start selling some it at local fairs and the such.

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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 3:14 pm

Good call, Staybrite.  G/F, you're a brilliant artist, maybe you could do some stuff to sell?  Or how about writing a novel, or similar?

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Three Things for a better life...
1 - Believe In Jesus.
2 - Love one another.
3 - Let God be the judge.

That is all I need to say.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 3:17 pm

Thanks guys. I spent the last couple years being too prideful to even consider Disability... but I'm now at a point where I have no choice. My spine is making the choices for me. 

I exist at a pain level of 5 to 7 on average, and up to 8 and 9 on some days. My Dr just took from me all the info needed to start the first steps towards a disability claim. I've read that this is the standard procedure = you initially submit all your info and MRIs and stuff, then they initially shoot you down, then you have to hire an attorney who fights your case and in cases as severe as mine, they always win. It's just lame that it has to be this whole headache of a procedure. I read that it's this way cuz of all the pathetic idiots who try to scam the system into disability.  As always, a few lazy scumbags ruin it for those who are sincerely jacked up.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 3:29 pm

As far as doing something to stay busy, that'll be no problem for me. I've already promised my wife (who loves her job and wants to work indefinitely) that I'll be an excellent "house-husband" -at my own pace and taking it easy, I can do laundry, basic cleaning and cooking. This is actually a dream of my wife's, so that should work out well.
As for a creative outlet, I always said if I retire someday, I'll pick my art back up. I'm sure I could make a little money on the side with my works. I could also get back into modern Web design and make a little money that way.  These are things I love to do.

I know God will take care of Lisa and I, I just am nervous about stepping into this particular phase of my life. It would be a bit scary for anyone I'd imagine.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 3:40 pm

Be careful with your money-making ventures. I believe there's a limit on that sort of thing to stay qualified for disability.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 4:20 pm

Well, I certainly couldn't make a fortune doing hobby-type of stuff.
Plus, what they don't know, can't hurt em Laughing
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 4:32 pm

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
 I've already promised my wife (who loves her job and wants to work indefinitely) that I'll be an excellent "house-husband" -at my own pace and taking it easy, I can do laundry, basic cleaning and cooking. This is actually a dream of my wife's, so that should work out well.

On the few days I stay home sick, I find myself trying to do whatever house chores I can manage, laundry, dishes, vaccuming etc.  I could lay around the house all weekend doing nothing (on occasion), but I can't bring myself to sit there doing nothing on a weekday (and I not usually most weekends either).

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
I read that it's this way cuz of all the pathetic idiots who try to scam the system into disability.

So you've met my neighbor?

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 5:16 pm

lol!
Actually working my career all these years I've seen a huge share of Wendy Whiners who want disability cuz they got a splinter.
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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Wed Jun 10, 2015 9:53 pm

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
Well, I certainly couldn't make a fortune doing hobby-type of stuff.
Plus, what they don't know, can't hurt em Laughing
You do have to watch what you make. Friend of mine fixed PCs on the side but couldn't bring in too much. I thought you had wanted to program at one time - if so, you could do open source projects, too.

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you should be concerned about your own."
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bassdude

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Thu Jun 11, 2015 8:48 am

Praying for you....
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Thu Jun 11, 2015 10:32 am

Gonna talk with a friend of mine who comes to our home Bible study. He's been on disability for a handful of years now. He's 61 and his spine is barely half as bad as mine... we compared notes and images.  I realize the younger you are, the harder it is to get a disability claim thru, but not impossible. So hopefully he can help me out with the details.
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Thu Jun 11, 2015 12:08 pm

Sounds like a good resource.

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Fri Jun 12, 2015 9:26 am

Welp, I'm home today... In so much pain that my wife said I need to just take a sick day and not to do anything.  Laying on the floor with the heating pad helps.  
I look forward to getting all the procedure stuff over with and to just be on the other side. It kinda sucks that they make it so much work and effort to get on disability, when the people who really need it, are in no shape to do all that work and hassle.
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Fri Jun 12, 2015 2:19 pm

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad day.  Praying for your physical health, and also that the disability will go through without too much trouble.  Keep fighting brother!

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Fri Jun 12, 2015 4:24 pm

I truly appreciate my family here who hears me out and prays for me and gives me advice. You guys mean a LOT to me.  We all have this journey of life to go through, we all have our own unique to us problems and issues to deal with, but we also all have a common Savior who loves us.  I see His love shine through all of you and it makes me happy and proud to be a part of this small circle of friends.
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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Sat Jun 13, 2015 10:31 am

Amen I agree

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2 - Love one another.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: huge life decision coming...   Sat Jun 13, 2015 5:46 pm

Well, it just got interesting.  

My wife recently discovered illegal activities among those working in other departments. Being the honest person she is, she casually brought it to the attention of another head, who in turn brought it up to the main mucky muck... who sent my wife an email attempting to "explain away" the whole thing... next thing you know, she's laid off. "We don't need your service anymore." 

Frickin BS !

So anyways, that's our new nightmare.  I need to postpone disability now until she is established at another office.
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