Chuck Norris Facts

Before the Bogey Man goes to sleep he checks the closet and under the bed for Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he'as actually pushing the Earth down

Many years ago, Chuck Norris went to an apple orchard. The man working at the orchard stole his hat and Chuck got so upset, he accidentally created apple sauce.

(I prefer the newer ones with Jack Bauer of "24"... but here's a few Chucksters for ya)

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
 
Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
 
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.
 
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
 
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
 
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.


(Btw, we lived in Torrance Los Angeles in the 70s, before Chuck was famous -he had a karate studio though. His Aunt lived across the street from us and met him on several occasions.  My brothers got 2 black and white autographed glossies of him in a karate pose.... wonder if they're worth anything ?)

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg

Bears play dead when they see Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can choke you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris once kicked a now extinct breed of horse in the chin. That animal is now known as the giraffe.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Kids wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four with only 3 moves.

They once made Chuck Norris toilet paper. It was a failure though, as it wouldn't take any you-know-what from anyone.

Shark television has a Chuck Norris week. It terrifies them.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard... only another fist.

Chuck Norris is suing NBC alleging that when they created the show Law & Order, they stole his nicknames for his left and right leg.

Chuck Norris has a night light - not because he fears the dark, but because the dark fears Chuck Norris

Freddie Kreuger doesn't go to sleep because he's afraid Chuck Norris will kill him there.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways

This thread died quick... Chuck Norris must not have liked it.

ishmael81 wrote:

This thread died quick... Chuck Norris must not have liked it.

Not quite, the thread heard Chuck Norris might be coming so it committed suicide to keep from being punished by Chuck

Chuck Norris recently swam to the Virgin Islands.  From now on, they will be called "The Islands"

Staybrite wrote:

ishmael81 wrote:

This thread died quick... Chuck Norris must not have liked it.

Not quite, the thread heard Chuck Norris might be coming so it committed suicide to keep from being punished by Chuck

Lol...

Chuck Norris once sold eBay to eBay on eBay.

New York is called the city that never sleeps. That's because it's afraid of Chuck Norris.

When asked what the world's most effective and fastest acting laxative is, 10 out of 10 doctors agree: Chuck Norris staring at you.

Many people have said the quickest way to a man's heart is food. That's actually the second quickest. The actual quickest? Chuck's fist.

The Bermuda Triangle was originally a square - until Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked a corner off it

Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Facebook account.

While learning CPR, Chuck Norris brought the practice dummy to life.

Chuck Norris once did a cannonball into a river. This area was later named the Grand Canyon.

Rome wasn't built in a day. It was built in six minutes by Chuck Norris.

Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father. Chuck Norris' beard is Darth Vader's father.

If you can't see Chuck Norris, you'd better make sure you're ready to die, just in case.

The Black Eyed Peas were simply known as The Peas until they met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.  Unfortunately, he never cries