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 Out of hell, into normal

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 12:37 pm

hey all, just wanted to touch base since my last post here wasfull ofdrama.

In anut shell, my oldest brother and his wife (whom I've always had a great relationship with since I was little) had us over for lunch a while back. All was fine until after lunch when the convo was spent. That was when my sister in law decided to get something off her chest. This was something strictly between her and my wife, there was no need to bring it up in front of the 2 husbands at the table. She said what bothered her, my wife said she didn't recall saying what got back to her (as it was almost 2 years previous she said this) but admitted she must have, and that it had to have been taken out of context - but nevertheless, my wife apologized and though we privately think it was something petty and not worth any fuss, we respected her feelings and my wife apologized. Now this is where it got weird. And my sister in law has never been this way... she wouldn't let it go. After repeating everything by the third time I pointed to my wife and said a bit strongly "she SAID she was sorry..."
Sister in law says "I know I know, but..." and goes on to repeat the same thing another 3 times !!! My brother even realized it was a bit much and tried in his own way to be a liaison and even talk his own wife down a little.
Finally after my wife was humiliated and about 2 inches tall in her chair, I could tell she was ready to cry, and my wife could tell I was seconds away from my explosive temper.... I tapped her on the leg and said "you ready to go ?" So we left, with plastic smiles and figured we'd just let it all blow over and let it go. I was mad cuz #1 It should have been JUST between them, she had no right to bring us brothers in, apparently not realizing she could pit us against each other in defense of our wives. #2 It was a LUNCH ! Not a time to bring up "issues" that we weren't even aware of... lunch is lunch, if you have an issue with someone, you pull them aside and discuss it alone. Especially something that was not a big deal... Two Christmas's ago, an employee was complaining abouttheir bonus check to my wife, the manager, and my wife said "be grateful you got a bonus cuz my sister-in-law didn't get one at all this year" (2 years later this girl was hired in my sister-in-laws office, who, for some reason blabbed that to my sister in law)- Now perhaps that was "private" family talk that she shouldn't have said to this girl, but it was spoken without ill intentions, and certainly not maliciously... nevertheless, she apologized and that should have been that. Crazy thing is, we've never had any problems or issues with them - we've all been like best friends and done lots together, so it would seem to me, that this should have been privately dealt with and ended. But she had to grill my wife, she went from having a good time at lunch to just mean ! I was literally shocked at her behavior and began to think she's going mental or something. Which is what I told my wife that night as she was crying most the evening feeling like she'd ruined our family relationships....

So here I am caught in the middle of this stupid crap. My wife goes about her biz and seems fine, unfortunately I'm still stewing inside and need some space until I can chill out. So my brother shows up at my door3 days later on his lunch break. I see him on my security cam and hesitate opening the door. Finally I open and say hey what's up ? He immediately says we need to talk about this. Honoring my wife's request to just let this go, I said there's nothing to talk about. He apparently interpreted that as "what's done is done, there's nothing more to talk about" (which is not what I meant) - He kept on about it, so I said you know what, the problem is the WAY she said it, and he said the way MY WIFE said it ?? I said yeh ! and he said that'schickens*#& ! That's when I lost it and just yelled Get the @%^& out of my house !! He threw up his arms and said ok and left.

Later that evening I felt bad about losing my temper and so I called their house, machine picked up and I left a humble message saying that I was wrong for blowing up and I apologized for that.

I didn't hear anything from them at all for days, so I assumed that was the straw -I apparentlyreally pissed them off and that's where we're at.

Aside from yelling at my brother, I never felt bad or guilty for anything else, cuz my wife apologized, and now I apologized for blowing up. Come to find out, just last week I found out that they "never got that message"................. yeh. I don't get it either. I know whom I called - I know their answering machine. Anyways, I guess that's neither here nor there.

I got a chance to talk to my brother again last week and tell him I left that message, and I went on to say that I wasn't happy with how things were handled and that any disagreements in the future need to be handled immediately and one on one. Period. He agreed, we exchanged I love yous and all seems well.

Needless to say, the whole thing upset me a lot. All very stupid, and I'm still not happy with his wife.

Thing they don't understand is, I love my wife and I live with my wife, she's first in my life. I don't live with them, or anyone else. Anyone who upsets my wife - ANYONE, is not gonna remain on my buddy list. I have zero interest in chillin with them again, cuz if she can fly off the handle like that... I don't wanna be the next one to accidently say something to someone else about her that she feels is so secretive. And like I said, we respected how she felt and apologized for it... should've been enough. So, whatever.

Just gonna let it simmer and to heck with it all. If she's got some mental thing going now, then I guess it will manifest again and hopefully she can get some help. But we're backing off. End of story.

That's what's been bugging me for over 2 months now. I mean, she couldn't have picked a worse time to go mental on my wife. I experienced dental malpractice, I never bounced back from my third back surgery, I was placed on permanent disability, then I developed a hernia -God knows how, since I can't lift anything more than 20 pounds. So with all that on my plate, and the stress it's put on me AND Lisa, it was a REAL bad time to go all mental on my wife in front of me.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate being able to share all this with ya'all.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 1:34 pm

Wow dude. That's tough.

Not knowing their side or view on things, I'd have to say they did go a bit overboard.

When you and your wife married, you were to become one flesh. The Bible even says you leave your father and mother (with the implication of the rest of your family) to do this. I know my wife and I have had issues where her siblings (mainly her brother, not so much her sister) have done stuff that I felt like needed dealt with and she wasn't sure.

It sounds like you guys tried to do the right thing - but I'd also say that if this bothered your sis-in-law for two years, she probably has some roots grown with her bitterness. What started as a small fire is now a big one. Pick your cliche, I think you get my point.

All that being said, I'll pray for you and your wife that you guys work towards a peaceful reconciliation with them.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 1:55 pm

I've just come to the conclusion (like that old song) there ain't no good guys, ain't no bad guys, just them and us and we just disagree... or whatever.

Oh, and sorry I wasn't clear (I tried to write the above with as much detail as I could so I would get everything out clear enough, but I sometimes miss things) - the girl who told my sis-in-law what my wife said got hired several months ago. So, though she didn't let it stew for 2 years, she did sit on it for about 3 to 4 months. Again, she KNOWS us very well, and all she had to do was pull my wife aside and say hey, I'd prefer if you kept our family discussions to yourself, yada yada, and my wife woulda apologized and that's that. We ain't perfect, but we recognize we ain't perfect - but we can be civil about things.

we're just a tad wigged right now, in that, she's never flipped like this, and so we're paranoid to even hang with them anymore. So, reconciliation would be cool if she recognized she was way out of line in her delivery and including others... but I don't see that, cuz they've always been "perfect", looked up to by many... I perceive they think a bit too highly of themselves. I've never cared much for that part of them, but I've always overlooked it cuz I love them.

Idk now, I just wanna keep my distance now. God forbid we innocently say something in the future that she doesn't want us to say. I'm not living my life on eggshells... I got enough crap to deal with ya know affraid Laughing
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 2:03 pm

Oh and as a side note, they're very judgmental. Despite all my health conditions, they look down on me and say that my alternative medicine and pain meds are just a gateway and that I'll be using heavier stuff later....
You think your own family would know you better... or at least educate themselves some before making such judgments on me.

I never asked for any of this. That's what's got me upset the most. It's all ridiculous ya know ? Rolling Eyes
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 2:35 pm

What a horrible thing to have to go through. Very sorry to hear this stressed you out so much as well. Nothing can seem to cause us as much pain as our family can.

I will say (and I don't know if this helps) you seemed to have handled it better than I did with my sister-in-law. I still pretty much refuse to do anything with her. I managed to "re-friend" her on facebook and can be cordial with her (even friendly) on-line, but I refuse to be in a room with her for any more than a minute or two if at all possible.

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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 4:29 pm

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
Oh and as a side note, they're very judgmental. Despite all my health conditions, they look down on me and say that my alternative medicine and pain meds are just a gateway and that I'll be using heavier stuff later....

I have to agree with them. I'm sure that soon you'll start listening to bands like Immortal and Carpathian Forest, sacrificing goats in the nearby woods and being all around gr1m Twisted Evil
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 8:40 pm

Thanks guys.

Oh and TTDR... must be true cuz I started listening to The Grateful Dead recently... slippery slope I tell ya

Razz
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 9:16 pm

I have learned that if you want things to get weird and tick you off then just have family.

There are two categories of family: Family and Relatives. Family are the people who love you that you surround yourself with. This can be blood kin or just friends. Relatives are the people that you are born with and are connected to but wish you weren't.

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Out of hell, into normal   Fri Oct 09, 2015 10:06 pm

Man, you got that right !

I feel WAY closer and more understood and even more loved by my family here at CHM than much of my own blood family.
And my wife and kids, who are not blood, love me unconditionally and give of themselves and never judge.

I am thankful for my non-blood family in this life. Very Happy
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