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 Latest stage of degeneration

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Latest stage of degeneration   Fri Nov 13, 2015 1:17 pm

Sorry for always posting my degenerative stages here. I just know my CHM family listens and prays for me - more than I can say about my own blood family.  I also feel as though I'm burning my poor wife out telling her of my many ailments... she says otherwise - she's really good to me. But beyond her, I don't really have anyone around me to talk to.

Over the last couple months, my pain has been increasing, and in different ways than previously. I recently discovered why - a few weeks ago I was in terrible pain and my back felt "weird". So I reached my hand back there and that's when I discovered I have Spondylolisthesis. The vertebrae directly above my fusion sites is bulging out (freaks my wife out - haha... heck it freaks ME out !). On a serious note, this condition in it's worse state requires surgery... I cannot go thru a 4th back surgery. Egads, they're draining me ! Physically and emotionally.

I just want to put off surgery as LONG as possible.

Here's someone's xray as an example of what's going on in my back now -


The lightning bolt line shows how the vertebrae slipped on the useless disc and creates a bulge in the spine. It jacks up the spinal cord, which messes with all kinds of functions that part of the cord is responsible for. Sucks.

I think what I want most in prayer, is not healing or anything (cuz I've accepted this disease and know that it's just gonna get worse and worse -thus the word "degenerative") rather, I would like a better attitude about all this. And for God to be glorified in this somehow.  I'm at the end of myself, and now want God to get the glory and praise.
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kerrick

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Fri Nov 13, 2015 2:01 pm

I'm praying, my friend.  I greatly admire you and how you are dealing with this all.  To God be the glory.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Fri Nov 13, 2015 2:49 pm

I posted on your Facebook account but just another reminder that I'm praying for you as well.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Fri Nov 13, 2015 3:01 pm

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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Fri Nov 13, 2015 4:08 pm

I cannot begin to imagine the strength you must have to endure this.  I jumped off the back of truck last week and both my feel shot out from under me bringing my entire bulk crashing down on my tail bone.  I've been in pain every day since then (6+ plus hours flying home was a real treat), and I've probably been a real baby about it.  All that to say it has to be nothing compared to the pain you must endure every day.  You don't have to worry about me getting tired of hearing you "complain", you have to be one of the bravest people I know.
Praying for you daily brother.

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messiaen77

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Fri Nov 13, 2015 8:16 pm

Prayers Brother.  And yes, we will ALWAYS listen to and pray for you.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Fri Nov 13, 2015 9:43 pm

Wow, thanks again everyone.  Ya'all mean a lot to me, and your prayers are SO appreciated.

Like I said, I really just wanna have a better attitude about it.  Though I don't see myself as 'brave', I've done pretty good for the most part - just occasional cursing when the quick sharp pains hit me, and frustration over not being able to do a lot of things I used to take for granted.

Staybrite, dude, I can't imagine that pain - it may be different than mine, but it's still pain !  They say tailbone injuries are some of the worse ones for pain, esp if you break it.  I hope to God you didn't break it !
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Sat Nov 14, 2015 2:26 am

Will keep you in prayer!
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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Sat Nov 14, 2015 6:16 pm

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:


I'm amazed you can even walk like that! I know there are some worse off than you, but that doesn't make it any easier to have a good attitude. Pray you can endure your thorn as well as Paul.

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Sun Nov 15, 2015 5:30 pm

Quote :
I'm amazed you can even walk like that! I know there are some worse off than you, but that doesn't make it any easier to have a good attitude. Pray you can endure your thorn as well as Paul.





I wear a rigid back brace now - holds the vertebrae in place. Still painful, but tolerable. Like I've said a zillion times, when I was 37 the spine specialist told me I'd most likely be in a wheelchair by 40. Yesterday I hit 46 and many days I barely need my cane... So I'd say I've done Purdy good, with God's mercy. 

The kicker was this last surgery. When the surgeon opened my back up, he was shocked that my spinal cord was pinched from the normal 1 inch thick dimension down to the size of a thin needle. Said the surgery crew just stood there staring at the cord waiting for it to fill back in (like a memory foam mattress). Took about 5 minutes, but it finally went back to its normal shape. Unfortunately, being pinched that severe for so long DID cause permanent damage.

Other than pain and some of the unfortunate effects caused by the damage to that area of nerves, I'm actually doing better than all my Drs expected... THAT, my friends, is prayer.
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Mon Nov 16, 2015 7:22 am

Just the fact that you can still praise God in the midst of all this tells me that you have a much better attitude about this than most.  I was nowhere near this chipper when I broke my ankle.  The first 10 days after surgery, my attitude was pathetic and I was screaming at God.  I had to lay in the bed and take shots for blood clots simply because my sister had them.  I felt like a worthless dog and wished that someone would just put me down.  There was little hope--and that was just for ten days!

After they let me get up, my attitude changed.  Oh, it was still a pain to live with, but it was doable.  I was able to repent of my anger towards God and praise Him later.

You, my friend, are an inspiration whether you feel that way or not.  You just keep getting back up and thanking God for taking care of you through it all.  Most folks wouldn't do that.  Your faith is much stronger than you know.

You just keep "whining" here and we'll keep praying.  That's what friends do.

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:49 pm

Now you've gone and made me tear up... way to go Alldat ! Razz

Seriously though, thank you from the bottom of my heart for the kind and encouraging words. They were VERY needed today. This morning has been the worse pain I've had in a long time - I'm so tired, physically and emotionally. This kind of pain is unimaginable... I'm thankful for my family and friends who love me, and for God's love and mercy in my life - without these, I would have checked out long ago.
Believe it or not, I'm not suffering with depression that much these days -It's 100% pain that is bringing me to my knees, nagging me to wanna snuff it out... I am beginning to think this is also a spiritual battle, not just physical.  I only have continued faith cuz God has given me this extra measure of faith and I am using it. Some have used the Pauline phrase of the thorn in the flesh, and I agree, it seems as though I have pleaded with Him to remove this thorn, as have those who've prayed for me, but I hear (in my heart, not audibly) that God's grace is sufficient for me - that a healing or even any relief is not on the table for me.

So anyways, I will keep on keepin on, and my prayer is that somehow, some way, this brings Him glory. My only fear is, that I will overdue my pain meds in desperation and foolishly become a statistic.  I do NOT want to end that way.
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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Mon Nov 16, 2015 3:49 pm

We are here as your CHM family to listen to you Jim, to encourage you and to pray for you when you need our prayers.
That's why it's good you share every time there's something to share.
It's what Chris already has told you Jim, keep sharing your issues with us and we pray for you. Yep, that's what friends do when one friend need that.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Latest stage of degeneration   Mon Nov 16, 2015 4:23 pm

It means a lot to me to have the CHM family in my life. Though I've never met any of ya in person, I feel as though I grew up with everyone here as my own family.

May God continue to bless each of you and bring many blessings into your lives... just as you have blessed me.
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