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 Just another "Unloading"...

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 1:30 pm

Like I said, this is just another unloading of my never-ending trials, cuz I need a place to unload - to get it all off my chest.


You've been warned. Turn back while you still can !

Everyone knows my spine is crap, and getting worse everyday (hence the word "degenerative"), everyone knows I struggle with pain relieving meds, everyone may know that I've developed an abdomen hernia which also hurts, and everyone knows I've been on disability since August.
What many don't know is, though I have a legitimate disability and my quality of life is becoming a joke, and I obviously don't have the kind of money I used to when I was able to work (or should I say, I have NO money beyond what I need to pay the bills -which I'm thankful to God for supplying my needs)... I have been hit with a huge bill from my previous employer claiming I owe them over a 1000 dollars for insurance premiums for the 6 months I was on disability thru work. 
First of all, I was never notified that I would have to pay some premium every month while on disability... I mean, I'm on disability ! Hello ?!!?
Second, I never once received any bills telling me I had to pay anything (you'd think after a couple months, they'd say, gee he's not paying, maybe we should contact him or send him a bill... right ?)
Third, I was told by Human Resources that if I did not return to work within 90 days, that my position would be terminated. Yet, they're billing me for 6 months.
Fourth, I NEVER used that insurance as I didn't think I had it anymore (and believe me, it would have been nice to have had insurance for my Dr visits and especially my prescriptions for those 6 months - I paid out of pocket)
Fifth, you can't squeeze blood out of a rock ! I have NO money ! In case they didn't get the memo, I'm on disability !! I'm not making money ! And the petty checks I got for disability were small when I actually got them... most of the time, I'd go weeks without seeing a check, then I'd get one that was retro-pay... Also I was supposed to be getting those checks clear into February - I haven't got one since mid-December. So yeh, good luck getting even 5 bucks out of me ! Rolling Eyes

So with going back and forth with these evil people (same ones who laid off my wife as manager), I also had the added stress of my daughter breaking up with a long time BF who has become abusive - Lisa and I have been stressed out that he's gonna do something to her.  Then we hear from my son, he and his GF of 2+ years are splitting.  Then in the midst of all this, and my condition worsening, my wife tells me she has a serious health problem that she's kept quiet on since, in her words, I have enough to deal with. My God ! She's my whole world, and she didn't tell me that she has this problem !
Lisa tells me she's stressed out cuz her symptoms have not gone away, and she's had them for months. She's afraid that if it IS what she thinks it is, then we're both gonna be out of commission, which would bring us to financial ruin. She feels she has the weight of the world on her, having a husband who's disabled, feeling like she's the only one who can financially support us both - but if she has what her symptoms point to: Multiple Sclerosis, then she thinks everything is gonna fall apart.  I told her that we need to take all this one step at a time. We'll wait for all the tests to tells us what's really going on, then we'll take it from there. But she's a wreck. She always said that she could handle being the prime bread-winner, and be here for me as my condition deteriorates... but now she's going to possibly have a condition that's WORSE than mine. On top of all that, my condition is making me more and more unable to do a lot of things I used to take for granted - the worse being our intimacy (told you to turn back ! you didn't listen  Laughing ).

I just don't see the purpose in ANY of this. I know the Scriptural point of view on suffering and trials, but right now it's just not a comfort. From the eternal perspective, I can see how this could be a great lesson and make us appreciate Heaven all the more (I try to believe that the whole purpose behind this crappy life is to give us a reference to look back on while in eternity so that there will never be another Lucifer in God's presence)... however, none of those facts are helpful during this suffering.
It used to be, life was pretty smooth, with occasional bumps in the road that we'd quickly recover from and go back to our normal lives. NOW it's 99% trials, pains, issues -with an occasional smile or laugh, but very few and far between.  That's NO LIFE !! When you have zero quality of life, you begin to wonder what the hell's the purpose in suffering everyday to the bitter end ?? But we all have the brain software God gave us that, no matter how bad it gets and no matter how much pain and suffering we have, we value life and are too afraid to unplug our computer for good. So we go on.

So we go on....
I don't want my wife to have to suffer with anything, especially MS !! And I don't say this cuz I'm worried about her not being able to work and take care of the finances... far from it ! I have faith that God will take care of us as He always has. I just CANNOT handle seeing her suffer at a young age. And she's more devastated about not being able to take care of me than she is worried about dealing with a horrible condition herself. She's an amazing woman.

I just don't know what to do or what to say at this point.... so as always, I turn to my CHM family and dump everything on ya.

I keep on keepin' on... I take one day at a time... I do everything in my power to make my wife happy, but I really don't know just how much more I can take of all this.

Anyways, thanks for listening. No nuggets of wisdom or admonitions are necessary, I just needed someone to talk to.
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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 5:03 pm

Regarding the insurance premiums, there should be someone you should talk to from a legal perspective.

And if your wife is diagnosed with MS, it's truly not the end of the world.  It may not be curable but it is treatable.
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 6:13 pm

Will keep you and yours in prayer.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 7:34 pm

Thanks all.  I'm feeling a bit better now.

When I sat down to type all that, I was feeling very hopeless and frustrated... I've since been in prayer and decided these are all God's problems, not mine. I give these things to Him,  since there's nothing I can do about them... so why fret and worry ?  It is what it is.

As for the premium bill, we're just gonna tell them they can take us to court. They're not gonna fool with a judge for a drop in their bucket like $1000.. and if they do, there's no a judge in the world who would side with them after all the evidence is presented.
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kerrick

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 7:51 pm

Oh wow, that is a lot Jim.  I am praying for you.

Something to remember though:  God doesn't cause these hardships and misery to grow or teach people.  These are caused by sin having entered this world.  Rather, God uses them for His glory and can redeem these situations into something good and beautiful amidst the pain and suffering.  People say "everything happens for a reason" and I disagree with that (assuming they mean God's reasons and not the reason of sin).  And when people inevitably fail to see the purpose in their suffering, they blame God, get angry at Him, etc.  I don't understand why God sometimes doesn't intervene in situations like this and miraculously heal everyone involved right away, but that's where our trust and faith in Him comes into play.  We know that He loves us unconditionally and that He knows each and every one of us intimately.  God is good even when we suffer.  And at some point for all of us, all this pain and struggle will be over for good!

Jim, God loves you, knows you, cares about all of your heart's desires, and is with you always - never leaving your side.  I wish I had something more to say!  I will continue to keep you in my prayers.
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Dynamis

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 7:54 pm

Your hands are not tied here.  You have some cards on the table in which you can play.

It sounds as if you are stuck with your former employers insurance whether you like it or not, correct?  Than take advantage of the coverage by contacting all of the providers in which you paid out of pocket and let them know about the coverage in question.  At the very least this will allow you to recoup some of your out of pocket expenses- keeping in mind I have no idea what your deductible, co-insurance amount, etc are.  I would recommend that you do this sooner rather than later in that most commercial insurance plans have a 180 day timely filing deadline.

Have you contacted the providers in which you paid out of pocket to explain your situation and ask for a discounted rate?  Medical bills in most instances can be negotiated.

If you do not pay the $1000 in premiums will the policy be cancelled retro back six months?  If not then do the math and add up your total out of pocket expenses and compare them to the $1000 premium.  Perhaps paying the premium might be the better deal for your over the long term.

Also, $1000 for six months of insurance coverage is more than reasonable- again, keeping in mind I do not know what your deductible and other out of pocket expenses are or what the plan covers or does not cover.  Have you considered paying the roughly $166 out of pocket per month and keeping said insurance policy?
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 8:08 pm

If you had some other insurance at the same time they are trying to bill you for the company policy I don't think they can force to you carry the insurance (especially given that you didn't use it).

Praying that God will make all of this right Jim. Especially your wife, will be praying that her symptoms turn out to be something much less debilitating than MS. Neither of you should have to weather that storm.

_________________
"I used to be indecisive.......... Now I'm not sure."
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 8:37 pm

All good info, very good wisdom, and compassion. I appreciate all of ya and love ya.

I know all this will blow over and better times will come.  Just right now I feel like an injured dog who's crawled into a corner and is ready to growl or bite anyone who comes near me.

Like I said though, I'm feeling better now. When I typed that up this morning, I was REALLY fed up and done with it all.  I especially like and agree with what you said Kerrick, about the fact that we are born into this world with original sin, with inherited health problems -physical and emotional... and those things don't go away just cuz The Father adopts us. It'd be nice if He healed all His children, but that's not how this works (yet). I'm glad He forgives me after I get all frustrated and whiny. But yeh, one of the worse things fellow believers can say or believe, is that God's responsible for our health problems or even our trials.  That's a horrible thing to even think of in regards to our Loving Father.
Back, not long ago, when I still had hang-ups by comparing my Heavenly Father with my earthly dad, I had lots of baggage that God the Father was always upset with me and I could never please Him. In feeling this way, I always thought my health problems or life issues were "punishment" for being such a rotten child of His. Wow is that ever hogwash !! I see it now, although I still fall into those thoughts occasionally.  I'll always be a work in progress till the day I kick it.
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Fri Feb 12, 2016 10:16 pm

Jim, I wish that I could take half of the pain you currently carry and carry it for you.  Even with that, I'd give my eye teeth if I could be there to help you on the days you cannot carry this yourself.

I won't try to speak any empty platitudes to you about dealing with these hardships.  You know the Truth, and you have to choose to walk in that.

I will, however, say something about the way you view God in light of your human father.  I've done the same thing and I come up with a much lower version of God that I get angry with or avoid altogether.  I'm learning to look for God in places where we don't normally.  I see God in my cat, believe it or not.  Every morning, she greets me with all the love she can give her hooman.  That's just like God's mercies--they are new every morning.  She never stops following me around the house.  That's just like God because He is with me everywhere I go.  When I don't spend time with Callie, she mopes around with her feelings hurt.  I don't think that God mopes, but I know that it saddens Him when I avoid Him.  Maybe there is something in your life that you can look to for a healthier reminder of God.

For example, maybe you can see God in us.  You can dump all your problems on us, we read every word, and then we minister to you by praying or encouraging you.  That's just like God.  Even the Holy Spirit is praying right now on your behalf.  We accept you for who you are and not what you can do for us.  That's just like God!  We aren't afraid to correct you if you get too whiney and need a good reprimand.  That's just like God!!!

As I said, if I compare God to my daddy, I get a low version of God that, in reality, is a false god.  My version pales to the God of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob.  But, by looking around us for examples of Him in everyday places and things, I begin to see Him for who He is trying to express Himself to be.

I will be praying ever harder for you, Jim.  There has to be a silver lining somewhere with your name on it, and I will petition our Father for it until He blesses you.

_________________




I might have decided, or maybe not, that I should or shouldn't, depending on the issue or non-issue, to possibly share or not share, any thoughts, opinions, or facts (that might not be deemed factual by some), due to possible fear of any misinterpretation or retribution.
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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Sat Feb 13, 2016 7:47 am

It's good Jim to share things like this with your CHM family.
Life is hard for you.
The harder it is, the harder we pray for you.
That's what I do too.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Just another "Unloading"...   Sat Feb 13, 2016 11:02 pm

Thanks again for your compassion and kindness. I agree with everything (though I still struggle with viewing the Father in light of my dad... but i'm getting better), and I totally agree that God shows Himself in the little things- My dogs love me unconditionally... in that I see the love of my Father peeking through. Also similar to Alldat's pet, my dog must be with me everywhere I go (ie the way God is)
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