Hissy fit whiney pants

Ever just feel completely unimportant ?
I've always prided myself in not being a whiner and just keeping my mouth shut when I feel overlooked or not cared for... I guess I'm just tired of it at this point.

Why do we men have to always be there for the family and comfort them when they're all crying and going thru stuff and we have to be strong and never show when OUR feelings are hurt ? How many times do the females in the family "feel unimportant" or "overlooked" and the man has to pat the back and say "there there", but when it's OUR turn to be jilted and forgotten, we just let it slide off and forget about it ??

My daughter, the one pursuing a relationship with a guy who's threatened to "kill her and dump her body in the desert", asked to borrow my truck for a weekend camping trip with her friends, I, of course, said sure ! But this time I asked her to clean my truck a little. Not too much to ask. 
she brings it back still filthy, with an empty tank... I whine a little to my wife and try to let it go.
Then I tell her my cane is still in her car (that she left here over the weekend) so I ask her to leave it outside the door of her house and I'll pick it up later (heaven forbid she bring it to me). I go to her house and it's not out there. So today I asked again if it's out there for me to pick up, she said oh sorry I forgot.

If this crap were being done to a female in the family, omg it would be the end of the world, but I'm supposed to just be cool and let it go. 

If I flip out and throw any of this at anyone in the family, I'm just "over-reacting" or whatever.. I'm so freakin' sick of all this.

I just needed to vent.. thanks for listening.

I know just what you mean. I'm just not brave enough to say that in front of any of the women in my family.

It's not even "bravery", it's this whole expectation of what the man is supposed to be, his role in the family...or whatever. I just hate the double standard of it all. I understand we're supposed to be "Head" and ultimately the strong one, physically and emotionally, but does that mean we just turn emotions off, needs, feelings ? 

The reason I'm here posting this folly is cuz I know it would just be a giant mess if I brought it up to anyone in the family... so YOU lucky dogs get to hear me whine a gripe 

Man up!

Oh, and . . . . whoa

That's it ! That's the last straw ! You've pushed me to go get a Starbucks !!

Quote :

My daughter, the one pursuing a relationship with a guy who's threatened to "kill her and dump her body in the desert", asked to borrow my truck for a weekend camping trip with her friends, I, of course, said sure ! But this time I asked her to clean my truck a little. Not too much to ask. 
she brings it back still filthy, with an empty tank... I whine a little to my wife and try to let it go.
Then I tell her my cane is still in her car (that she left here over the weekend) so I ask her to leave it outside the door of her house and I'll pick it up later (heaven forbid she bring it to me). I go to her house and it's not out there. So today I asked again if it's out there for me to pick up, she said oh sorry I forgot.

I think the big thing here is to not act in anger at the situation.  That shows our inner strength.  When do you get to react?  The NEXT time she wants your truck.  When she asks, remind her that you are the one having to clean the vehicle because she is too immature to even do that for you.  Remind her that, while you are forgiving the previous lack of filling up the truck, you no longer have a job and you don't appreciate being taken advantage of.  Then, refuse to allow her to use the truck.  To continue to do so is just empowering her to crap on you, Jim.  She may not live at home, but she is still yours to teach.

I used to do that to my seester.  She would borrow something and it would not return.  Or, if it did, what she borrowed was broken.  After a couple of years of that, I stopped loaning her things.  Let her break other people's stuff.  Sure, it hurt her feelings the first couple of times of asking, but she learned that she was not going to take advantage of my things.

I think that we have to walk a fine line here, too.  We need to still practice Biblical generosity.  However, you are doing people no good when you teach them and empower them to keep taking advantage of you and others.

Alldat.. words of wisdom my friend !  I really appreciate that. Seriously. And I'm gonna take your advice totally. Like I said in the initial post, I've been letting stuff slide for years ! Though I've tried to teach those kids by example and words of wisdom, they're still unappreciative and treat me like that, so, yeh, you're right. I'm done. Next time she wants the truck I'll just remind her of last time and say how happy I would've been to keep loaning it, but the last experience left me feeling very over-looked and unimportant, so I'll be passing this time.
That should send a message to her, whether she likes it or not, whether she learns from it or not. Whatever. Kinda like the whole Dobson "tough love" thing. I hate being a doormat.
I hate the double standard - when the female feels overlooked or unimportant, their whole world crumbles and we men have to comfort them and apologize and crap. But the man gets jilted and "oh, no big deal... he's a man"... I hate all this stuff, so, I shall be taking you up on your advice brother. 

So many in this generation have no manners or consideration. Sheesh !!

On a related note, my nephew (11 years old) called me this morning and said he won something for me at the Memorial Day Carnival (we have every year).  He said he won at darts, and decided to choose a KISS poster for his Uncle Jim !  SO very thoughtful of him, and what I would expect from my own kids, considering how I raised them. 

My nephew is a good kid.

Very cool!

Hmmm. I never liked how much pressure there is on guys in this area.

I think it would be good to have someone who you can express your emotions to and they would be fine with it.

alldatndensum wrote:

I think the big thing here is to not act in anger at the situation.  That shows our inner strength.  When do you get to react?  The NEXT time she wants your truck.  When she asks, remind her that you are the one having to clean the vehicle because she is too immature to even do that for you.  Remind her that, while you are forgiving the previous lack of filling up the truck, you no longer have a job and you don't appreciate being taken advantage of.  Then, refuse to allow her to use the truck.  To continue to do so is just empowering her to crap on you, Jim.  She may not live at home, but she is still yours to teach.

I used to do that to my seester.  She would borrow something and it would not return.  Or, if it did, what she borrowed was broken.  After a couple of years of that, I stopped loaning her things.  Let her break other people's stuff.  Sure, it hurt her feelings the first couple of times of asking, but she learned that she was not going to take advantage of my things.

I think that we have to walk a fine line here, too.  We need to still practice Biblical generosity.  However, you are doing people no good when you teach them and empower them to keep taking advantage of you and others.

I feel the need to say this.  I have always thought of you as a kind hearted yet also a somewhat simple kind of guy (and I don't mean simple as in "dumb"...not at all...more like you are unwilling to engage in high-handed over intellectual discussions).  But every once in awhile you post something like this and remind me that you are wise far beyond your years (much wiser than I am).  Very impressive piece of advice, and one that I think I need to take with my own children.  Thank you.

Staybrite wrote:

alldatndensum wrote:

I think the big thing here is to not act in anger at the situation.  That shows our inner strength.  When do you get to react?  The NEXT time she wants your truck.  When she asks, remind her that you are the one having to clean the vehicle because she is too immature to even do that for you.  Remind her that, while you are forgiving the previous lack of filling up the truck, you no longer have a job and you don't appreciate being taken advantage of.  Then, refuse to allow her to use the truck.  To continue to do so is just empowering her to crap on you, Jim.  She may not live at home, but she is still yours to teach.

I used to do that to my seester.  She would borrow something and it would not return.  Or, if it did, what she borrowed was broken.  After a couple of years of that, I stopped loaning her things.  Let her break other people's stuff.  Sure, it hurt her feelings the first couple of times of asking, but she learned that she was not going to take advantage of my things.

I think that we have to walk a fine line here, too.  We need to still practice Biblical generosity.  However, you are doing people no good when you teach them and empower them to keep taking advantage of you and others.

I feel the need to say this.  I have always thought of you as a kind hearted yet also a somewhat simple kind of guy (and I don't mean simple as in "dumb"...not at all...more like you are unwilling to engage in high-handed over intellectual discussions).  But every once in awhile you post something like this and remind me that you are wise far beyond your years (much wiser than I am).  Very impressive piece of advice, and one that I think I need to take with my own children.  Thank you.

I get lucky with a few things, but I would hardly call myself wise.    Most of the time, I feel dumber than a box of rocks.

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:

That's it ! That's the last straw ! You've pushed me to go get a Starbucks !!

Good, good, it's all going according to plan!