For lovers of Christian rock and heavy metal!
 
HomeHome  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 Dark period only getting darker

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : 1, 2  Next
AuthorMessage
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Dark period only getting darker   Sun Mar 12, 2017 11:31 am

As many of you know, I'm a mess of health conditions. I always try to post fun things about music or humor and I've always held back when posting things about my actual health so as to keep up appearances that I have things in check, and am fine like everyone else here or on facebook. Truth is, I'm at a very dark period of my life that has been growing darker for a few years. Here's a cut and paste of what I posted on the Mayo Clinic Depression support page, just to give you an idea where I've been at:

"I appreciate the forum being here for sufferers to open up. I have spent my life "being strong", putting on a plastic smile and trudging through everything. I am now 47 and too tired to go on. I was not blessed with health. Though I'm a fighter and made a great life for myself with a family and a 25 year career, I have had multiple health issues my entire life - Mitral Valve Prolapse which I'm told is the reason I have Dysautonomia (itself being a wicked condition to deal with), severe degenerative disc disease (5 surgeries with more planned, herniations, fusions, unimaginable pain and restriction of activities that used to bring me some semblance of joy), and IMO the worse of all these hereditary conditions: clinical depression. The depression has been there my whole life, however it would manifest in waves. Most days it would be at a low enough impact that I could push it aside and not think about it, but a wave of severe depression would hit me and last from a couple days up to about a week... always subsiding enough for me to get back into the swing of things. This rollercoaster would always give me hope that it will pass. Over the years the occurrences would growing longer, but I still had hope they'd pass and I'd once again "feel" and have motivation. I hit another unprovoked drop in my serotonin almost 2 months ago, and am still incredibly depressed today. I have lost the hope I usually have that it will pass, and am now prepared to see my Dr for a prescription (I tried Cymbalta then Effexor, as well as Sam-E several years ago, only to struggle with the side effects - after nearly 2 years on different meds, I tapered off). To wrap this up so it's not any longer, the only reason I hang on to this miserable life is for the sake of my family, and lately I question if that's even worth it. I feel as though they'd be initially upset, but seeing that I no longer have anything to offer (due to my spine condition, disability, and other health issues), I feel I am more of a burden than a blessing to them. If I can't get some semblance of feeling and motivation back soon, I will need to do something. No one should live like this.
Thank you for listening."

The worse of all of this is my faith and relationship with God are all but gone. I haven't purposely turned my back on God, I still believe in Him, His plans and His Word, I have a hope that He will still accept me into His Presence... I just have no real relationship with Him anymore... and my prayers are pretty much nil.

I'm tired. I no longer have the strength to pretend anymore. This depression and pain are taking everything from me.
I realize this is a lot to dump on my CHM family, but you've always been supportive and appeared to have cared. I really need something outside of myself to keep me going. I'm making an appointment with my Dr tomorrow and may look into some form of counseling or whatever, Idk
Back to top Go down
BearDad



Number of posts : 2056
Localisation : Pierre, SD
Registration date : 2013-05-01

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Sun Mar 12, 2017 12:41 pm

G/F - In my Sunday School class we have been watching a video series by a well known pastor (I won't mention the name, because I know some people don't like him), and just this morning he spoke of a man he knew that had been in a deep depression for many years, and by "deep" he said he meant "walking around zombie-like, completely unable to function." Anyhow, one day this man suddenly snapped out of it, and when asked how he escaped the depression his reply is always the same: he memorized scripture." He doesn't say he prayed, or fasted, or studied books by famous authors; he just memorized scripture. I'm not saying that's a "cure" for you, and I won't give you any of the common cliches about waiting for God, etc.; I'm just sharing what I heard this morning.

You know we are praying for you.
Back to top Go down
rockerVu2

avatar

Number of posts : 14668
Age : 88
Registration date : 2007-02-09

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Sun Mar 12, 2017 1:41 pm

When you can't pray to God, we'll here on CHM pray for you Guilty/Forgiven.
Back to top Go down
Xid

avatar

Number of posts : 3233
Age : 48
Localisation : Kalispell, MT
Registration date : 2014-03-12

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Sun Mar 12, 2017 2:04 pm

I keep you in my prayers, Jim.
Back to top Go down
http://www.derekclose.com
Staybrite

avatar

Number of posts : 18213
Age : 49
Localisation : Seattle
Registration date : 2007-02-08

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Sun Mar 12, 2017 2:59 pm

Brother, this makes me sadder than I think I can possibly convey here on just a message board.  I am actually having a hard time typing this because it's hard to see the screen through the tears.  
 
I love you brother.  Please don't give up.  I'm convinced God gave you your family just because he knew you would need them, and they still very much need you...so do I.    I have been very depressed and distant from God over the two years (for a number reasons I won't go into here...because this isn't about me).  Any ray of hope or sunshine that comes from a single post you make here (or on facebook) lifts my spirits a little higher, even if just a little.  I tell myself that if Jim can even pretend to be happy (even if just for a minute) given all the stress and pain he has experienced in life then I owe it to my loved ones to try to do the same.  You are a gift from God brother, your great attitude (even if you were faking it) has helped me through more trials and pains then I'm sure you can even guess.  Don't think for a minute that you have been an unbearable burden to anyone.  Any trouble you might have caused to anyone who loves you has been returned by your great attitude and loving spirit a hundred-fold.  If I had to move to Southern California (heaven forbid) and spend the next 20 years carrying you around on my back I don't think it scratch the surface of what I owe you for your friendship....and I seriously doubt I am the only one to feel that way.
 

With regards to serotonin levels, have you tried any supplements?  I won't pretend to have an answer to your depression (too many different factors to consider), but I have had a little relief from a natural supplement my wife got me.  I was having some really bad panic attacks near the end of last year (related to my MRI incident).  My doctor prescribed me some Xanax.  It worked.  But after doing some research on it I decided that what it did to your brain was not any kind of good long-term solution.  So my wife started me on a “natural” plant extract (5-Hydroxytryptophan), I had to take it for a week or so before I noticed any benefit, but it has really seemed to help.  I actually forgot to take it three days in a row and noticed myself getting rather depressed.  I’ll send you a pm (on facebook) and we can discuss further if you want.

_________________
"I used to be indecisive.......... Now I'm not sure."
Back to top Go down
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Sun Mar 12, 2017 3:27 pm

See you on FB Staybrite


Thanks to everyone for your prayers and encouragement. I will be seeking medical help tomorrow, and Lord willing I'll get the help I need.
Back to top Go down
alldatndensum
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 18168
Age : 48
Localisation : Tennessee
Registration date : 2007-01-30

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Mon Mar 13, 2017 7:57 am

Like Gary, my heart sinks just knowing what you are feeling and thinking, old friend.  Even if your family wouldn't miss you, we would.  In the introvert thread, I think many of us would admit that this is about the only real friendships and self-made family we have.  We've laughed at one another, kicked one another in the pants when we've needed to, prayed for one another, and just involved ourselves in one another's personal lives.  I consider you a brother--not a friend.  My life would be a lot darker without you.

I've allowed myself to sink into a funk--I hate to call mine depression as I am not always that low.  This situation at church has gotten to me.  I am down and moody when I am thinking about it, but there is scarce I can do about it.  I feel like I care too much about it.  It has greatly affected my faith and made me want to walk away from that altogether.  However, it is also teaching me that God loves me.  Does that even make sense that I can learn someone truly loves me and yet still want to walk away?  I don't think I'm depressed--I think I am nuts and you can't medicate that!

Even if you can't pray, we CAN and WILL.  I know Vonnie is a prayer warrior.  She's carried me through many a rough spell.  Xid and Staybrite always seem to know what to say to pull me up when I'm down.  They even have the nack of knowing when NOT to say something and just listen to me ramble.  Dangit!  Now I am gonna cry.  (Real men DO cry--only sissies hide them and pretend not to!)

Don't ever--EVER!!!!--be afraid to tell us what is going on.  We love you, man, and want to be here for you whatever lot you are dealt or choose for yourself.  In the end, knowing all of you here on CHM has been a bright spot in my lonely life.  I am honored to have met and continue to know you all.  Even Candlemass!  (LOL)

_________________




I might have decided, or maybe not, that I should or shouldn't, depending on the issue or non-issue, to possibly share or not share, any thoughts, opinions, or facts (that might not be deemed factual by some), due to possible fear of any misinterpretation or retribution.
Back to top Go down
http://www.christianhardmusic.com
ishmael81

avatar

Number of posts : 3362
Age : 36
Localisation : St Louis
Registration date : 2012-06-08

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Mon Mar 13, 2017 10:04 am

Jim, I hate trite responses to stuff like this. I do. I hate when people quote Scripture or say some cliché thing. Irritates the piss out of me. But I want you to read Psalm 88.


Psalm 88

For the choir director: A psalm of the descendants of Korah. A song to be sung to the tune “The Suffering of Affliction.” A psalm[a] of Heman the Ezrahite.

O Lord, God of my salvation,
    I cry out to you by day.
    I come to you at night.
Now hear my prayer;
    listen to my cry.
For my life is full of troubles,
    and death draws near.
I am as good as dead,
    like a strong man with no strength left.
They have left me among the dead,
    and I lie like a corpse in a grave.
I am forgotten,
    cut off from your care.
You have thrown me into the lowest pit,
    into the darkest depths.
Your anger weighs me down;
    with wave after wave you have engulfed me. Interlude
You have driven my friends away
    by making me repulsive to them.
I am in a trap with no way of escape.
    My eyes are blinded by my tears.
Each day I beg for your help, O Lord;
    I lift my hands to you for mercy.
10 Are your wonderful deeds of any use to the dead?
    Do the dead rise up and praise you? Interlude
11 Can those in the grave declare your unfailing love?
    Can they proclaim your faithfulness in the place of destruction?
12 Can the darkness speak of your wonderful deeds?
    Can anyone in the land of forgetfulness talk about your righteousness?
13 O Lord, I cry out to you.
    I will keep on pleading day by day.
14 O Lord, why do you reject me?
    Why do you turn your face from me?
15 I have been sick and close to death since my youth.
    I stand helpless and desperate before your terrors.
16 Your fierce anger has overwhelmed me.
    Your terrors have paralyzed me.
17 They swirl around me like floodwaters all day long.
    They have engulfed me completely.
18 You have taken away my companions and loved ones.
    Darkness is my closest friend.



And that's the end. How depressing! Why would God ever inspire someone to write a song like that, and then put it in the Bible? There's no happy ending, no resolution where God saves the day, it just ends with everybody feeling down. Now I know opinions are like buttholes but here's mine. I think God included this psalm because sometimes, life just sucks. It just does. It's awful and dreadful and we hate everything and life is just crappy.


But (and again I hesitate to use Scripture but come on here we are) if you look at who Heman the Ezrahite was, it's very interesting.






1 Chronicles 6:33New Living Translation (NLT)

33 These are the men who served, along with their sons:

Heman the musician was from the clan of Kohath. His genealogy was traced back through Joel, Samuel,



1 Chronicles 25:6New Living Translation (NLT)


All these men were under the direction of their fathers as they made music at the house of the Lord. Their responsibilities included the playing of cymbals, harps, and lyres at the house of God. Asaph, Jeduthun, and Heman reported directly to the king.



2 Chronicles 5:12New Living Translation (NLT)
12 And the Levites who were musicians—Asaph, Heman, Jeduthun, and all their sons and brothers—were dressed in fine linen robes and stood at the east side of the altar playing cymbals, lyres, and harps. They were joined by 120 priests who were playing trumpets.


Heman was a Levite who's only job was to make music around the altar. He reported directly to the king. This guy had power, prestige, fine linen robes, his relatives included Samuel and Joel... the guy had it all. And he wrote that Psalm.


My point (assuming you're still reading)? When Jesus said he would give us life abundantly, sometimes he meant the bad stuff. He meant to bless your pants off, but then he allowed someone to turn on the air conditioning so your legs would get cold. He gave you a family to care for but allows them to act like idiots (no offense here, but everyone does stupid stuff). He gave you abilities to provide then allowed your body to get wonky. Because ultimately, it isn't about us - it's about Him.

I know I've written a lot. And not one part of it may be helpful. If so, I'll pray for you. I suffer from depression as well and can relate. I tried suicide as a teenager. I have a friend who tried it in the last year. It's never the answer. I know things seem hard and you want to give up. But God loves you and we love you too much to let you do it. sorry, you're stuck with us.
Back to top Go down
rockerVu2

avatar

Number of posts : 14668
Age : 88
Registration date : 2007-02-09

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Mon Mar 13, 2017 4:49 pm

Jim, we are here for you when you need to vent, to tell how hard your life is with all the pain and rough things you have told us.
I hope you'll get the medical help you need so much now.
Back to top Go down
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:39 am

Again, thank you... all of you. You all have been there for me a long time (some throughout nearly 15 years) and no one has ever told me to "get over it", or deal with it, or any such thing. Even the strongest words I received from my family here has been in the utmost of true love. Not the typical Christians feeling the need to say the right thing, but REAL LOVE !  For that I am eternally grateful. I love all of you.

When I dip to an extreme low, I have zero control over how I feel. I may put on a good face for my family, post some funny things on social media to get some laughs from others, but inside I'm dying. For those of you who suffer clinically, not the occasional blues, but true depression, you know what it feels like... or rather DOESN'T feel like ! Cuz you lose ALL feeling except a dull pain of hopelessness and a struggle to just get out of bed.... all without ANY outside reason. It's so horrible.
I've struggled with that my whole life, but the dips would only last a short time. It seems as though it's come to stay, going on 2 months like this. It IS like HELL... I can't imagine hell being worse, even though I know it is.


Quote :
My point (assuming you're still reading)?
Oh trust me, I read every word of every post, and I get something from everyone's help. I once felt like I would just post a couple of my rough spots here and there, get some prayer and move on.. but I've ended up posting many times about my ridiculous health and struggles. So it means the world to me to hear Alldat and others tell me it's ok, Vonnie telling me you're all here for me if I need. I want so bad to FEEL something thru this, so I post stuff and interact with my favorite music and games, but the only time I truly FEEL anything is when I read your posts of encouragement, Scripture and chats.

As a young believer I planned on being a light to others, to share my faith everywhere and be there for those who were suffering and in need... I tried hard to do that for the first 10 years of my walk. Then I slowly BECAME the one who NEEDED light from others, people to help me strengthen my faith, and help for my disabilities and suffering. I hate being here, but like Ish said, sometimes life just sucks.. and it's true. It's not Unchristian to say this. It's Unchristian to tell someone to come to Christ and your problems will be solved.

Anyways, I have lots on my mind tonight and don't want to type a super long post here. I just wanted to say how much I love my family here and appreciate you all being here and loving me. I know if I reached out to those in my family around me and Christians I fellowship with, they'd drop everything to be here for me as well... but it's different. In person I cannot convey clearly what's going on in me like I can when I sit at a screen and type out exactly what I need to share. And like Staybrite and others here have said, it's sheer waterworks if I do.  I've tried casually talking to my wife on a couple of occasions about what I'm suffering and I immediately begin to cry like a baby. I don't want to put her thru that. I have a good Christian buddy in my fellowship who would do anything for me, but I keep him at arm's length emotionally... he, like my wife and many others around me have no idea what true depression feels like, or 24/7 chronic spinal pain, and not to minimize their contribution to helping me, but I usually do terrible when I open up to someone in person... I lose it emotionally.

So, until my appointment Thursday, and until the meds start doing their job... I may be popping in here and being a bit pathetic. Please just pray I can get something that actually works and I can feel more than just pain again. Thanks.
Back to top Go down
ishmael81

avatar

Number of posts : 3362
Age : 36
Localisation : St Louis
Registration date : 2012-06-08

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:41 am

Thanks for sharing Jim. Honestly man, sometimes you have to be the person that needs blessed. Totally unrelated but my wife and I are moving forward in some budgetary stuff and doing pretty well but for several years we struggled. We had several people give us money - as little as $10 and as much as $400 - to help us out. And that's okay. God told these folks to help us. Now, we're positioning ourselves to help others.

And who knows what's going to happen in a month, 6 months, a year? You may be out helping people more disabled than you, encouraging them in their walk, serving them. You may be running some business from home that serves people. Who knows what God's going to do in your life? But right now, you need to go through the pain and grow from it. As my Army buddy says "Embrace the suck."

And if you ever need it, we're here. Not just publicly either. PM me anytime.
Back to top Go down
alldatndensum
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 18168
Age : 48
Localisation : Tennessee
Registration date : 2007-01-30

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 9:40 am

Quote :
So, until my appointment Thursday, and until the meds start doing their job... I may be popping in here and being a bit pathetic. Please just pray I can get something that actually works and I can feel more than just pain again. Thanks.

After reading all the stuff in the Introvert thread, I'd say we're all fairly pathetic!  lol!  I made the joke to say this:  come by and be pathetic any time you need to.  We're all going to understand as we are all introverts.  We mask our pains.  We hide from people and have our safe spaces.  We don't always have the support team around us when life throws us a bunch of curve balls.  This place is nothing magical, but we do come here for friendship and healing.  So, please dump your pathetic mess on us here.  We're going to drop ours as well.  This is how we carry one another's burdens.

_________________




I might have decided, or maybe not, that I should or shouldn't, depending on the issue or non-issue, to possibly share or not share, any thoughts, opinions, or facts (that might not be deemed factual by some), due to possible fear of any misinterpretation or retribution.
Back to top Go down
http://www.christianhardmusic.com
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 10:40 am

Right on. Thanks Alldat ! We def have a "kindred spirit" kinda thing here at CHM. It's really cool and a testimony to how God works in our lives by using man's invention of the internet, then bringing this little group of ragamuffin believers together to strengthen each other and show God's love.

For the first few years I was here, it was just a music board I enjoyed chatting about music and some other silly things... in the last decade it's slowly become for me a place of support. Where many churches are resorts for happy Christians going on their cruises and retreats, I rather see CHM as a hospital giving and receiving therapy to real human believers crushed by a sinful world's circumstances.

Where else in Christendom can I get advice like 

Quote :
"Embrace the suck."
lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol! lol!

I love it here, and love each of you Very Happy
Back to top Go down
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:02 am

Quote :
We had several people give us money - as little as $10 and as much as $400 - to help us out. And that's okay. God told these folks to help us.
 
It is humbling. I've always been too prideful to ask for help, and never have. Recently I began selling stacks of CDs to help pay for medical bills and one of my music buddies bought 90 bucks worth. I was so thankful and stoked ! Only when he sent me the check, it was for 150 bucks. I was so humbled.
Back to top Go down
ishmael81

avatar

Number of posts : 3362
Age : 36
Localisation : St Louis
Registration date : 2012-06-08

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:25 am

Guilty/Forgiven wrote:
Quote :
We had several people give us money - as little as $10 and as much as $400 - to help us out. And that's okay. God told these folks to help us.
 
It is humbling. I've always been too prideful to ask for help, and never have. Recently I began selling stacks of CDs to help pay for medical bills and one of my music buddies bought 90 bucks worth. I was so thankful and stoked ! Only when he sent me the check, it was for 150 bucks. I was so humbled.

It's hard sometimes but that's our pride. I had a friend who gave us $400 for a repair on one of our cars. At the time, he was a part time pastor, worked full time for an upholstery company, married and had 5 kids. In my own mind, they needed that money more than us but God led him to help us out. And you know what? God then blessed him and his family. He's now a full time pastor making pretty good money and still being generous.
Back to top Go down
messiaen77

avatar

Number of posts : 1578
Age : 46
Localisation : in a yellow submarine
Registration date : 2011-08-23

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 12:15 pm

I was gonna quote a whole bunch of what you said and then comment, but that just seemed like a bunch of wading you would have to do, so I just decided to summarize.  When I read about you people not feeling like they could pray or just feeling like giving up, I'm reminded of the story back in Exodus where Israel was fighting with someone and as long as Moses held his staff up, they were winning, but whenever he lowered his staff, the other folks would start to win.  So to make sure Moses kept going, Aaron stood beside him and held his hand up.  That's what I think of when I think of the body of Christ praying for each other.  Sometimes we just can't do it, but when other people pray for us, they are being our strength.  I am sure that I speak for a lot of us here when I say I am both honored and humbled to be able to do that for you, just like you have and will do it for us.

You said you wanted to bring light, but then you started being the one who needed light.  Baloney!  Truth is we all need light.  That's why God designed us to live in community.  "No man is an island..."  We all need each other.  It's a hard thing for us American men to admit because we get this crap pounded into us about needing to be the strong ones, the stoic ones, the ones guided by reason and logic rather than emotion.  Church isn't much different--we should seek to serve rather than being served, it's better to give than receive....  Yeah, ok.  But sometimes we've got nothing left to give, sometimes we need to receive.  But yeah, it is hard to make ourselves vulnerable by admitting we need the help.  Totally there with you.  But God made us to be interdependent, not independent.  Please NEVER feel like you are overburdening us with your situation or your need to just open up and spill your guts.  We love you and we are here for you.
Back to top Go down
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Tue Mar 14, 2017 3:11 pm

That story of Moses is such an excellent illustration ! I held my hands high for several years, including 12 years of back surgeries and (just like you said) I have nothing left to give.

Pride of man, and the expectations of men in society - AND the expectations if you're a Christian man, all make it difficult to perform to those expectations, then one day you find yourself with multiple health problems and permanently out of work... I know it shouldn't be, but it really is emasculating at times
Back to top Go down
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:34 pm

Welp, got a prescription today. Also found out my insurance covers therapy. I initially found a Christian therapist nearby who's website sounded very promising, but he's not on my insurance. They'll be sending me a list of covered providers. Here's to "hope" eh ?
Back to top Go down
Xid

avatar

Number of posts : 3233
Age : 48
Localisation : Kalispell, MT
Registration date : 2014-03-12

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Thu Mar 16, 2017 12:50 pm

Praying that the lord will bring you and the right therapist together.
Back to top Go down
http://www.derekclose.com
Staybrite

avatar

Number of posts : 18213
Age : 49
Localisation : Seattle
Registration date : 2007-02-08

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Thu Mar 16, 2017 2:57 pm

Xid wrote:
Praying that the lord will bring you and the right therapist together.

Agreed!  Glad to hear your insurance covers the therapy.

_________________
"I used to be indecisive.......... Now I'm not sure."
Back to top Go down
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:02 pm

Thanks.
Had a chat with my wife. She's naturally a happy person, chipper go-getter type. Trying to explain to her what I'm dealing with is like explaining trigonomics to a baby. It's really discouraging. I try to explain that I cannot help the chemicals in my brain any more than I can help the degeneration of my spine.
I'm tired of being sad, and she's tired of me being sad. I just don't know what the future's gonna hold.
Back to top Go down
ishmael81

avatar

Number of posts : 3362
Age : 36
Localisation : St Louis
Registration date : 2012-06-08

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:26 pm

The future holds a lot of good things.
Back to top Go down
Fundy

avatar

Number of posts : 3746
Age : 43
Registration date : 2007-05-04

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Fri Mar 17, 2017 3:47 pm

As per usual, I didn't see this thread until now.

I regard CHM more as a family than a music discussion forum.  Infact music is secondary when I come on here now and it is hard to read things when brothers and sisters are going through such difficult times.  But I always love reading your posts G/F as they are so honest and true - something that many folk in normal every day life can't seem to be.  Whether it be about music or personal issues you are a good poster!  Because you are open I can pray for you on specifics and that is a positive thing.

As Vonnie said, we will pray for you, and not just a cliched, lack of connection type pray, but because you are our brother, and we love you.  I hate reading how you are healthwise, and I feel powerless to do anything.  But I can pray, and I will pray.

_________________
My Christian Metal Website.........
Silence Is Madness

Three Things for a better life...
1 - Believe In Jesus.
2 - Love one another.
3 - Let God be the judge.

That is all I need to say.
Back to top Go down
https://sites.google.com/site/silenceismadness777/
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Sat Mar 18, 2017 12:23 pm

Thank you Fundy for the kind words. I agree, and if my stats were examined it would prove it, that I spend more time hanging with my family and enjoying ya'all rather than chatting in the music threads as much.

I hate to post about my negative health issues, but like I said, those around me don't wanna be brought down, as well as the fact that they're all too busy in their lives to help me anyways... I would have to reach out to someone and that's just not me. I hate asking for help. But when I come to CHM I know I always have a place to talk, to get my thoughts and struggles out, whether anyone responds or not, it's always nice to be able to share - and the nice thing here is, you all actually DO respond, and always in sincere, loving ways.


I have 2 places of fellowship, my Bible study group that's been meeting for 8 years now, and CHM.  There's not much interaction outside of the time our study group meets, so we don't tend to get too close. But here at CHM, we can get super personal without fear of weirding out or scaring away a local friend. I'm thankful for that. Our home fellowship consists of Lisa and I being the youngest, and the rest being in their 60s. In the last 2 years one of them was diagnosed with Parkinson's and last year one was diagnosed with cancer. It's been SO hard to watch them deteriorate right in front of me. I always feel so petty when they ask how I'M doing, cuz my back pain is just that, pain... and I hide the depression from everyone around me. Parkinson's and cancer are so huge and scary and my heart goes out to them. I fear the day when we start hearing these kinds of things from all us old time regulars here at CHM.. ya know we're not getting any younger Laughing
Back to top Go down
Guilty/Forgiven

avatar

Number of posts : 8917
Age : 48
Localisation : Here
Registration date : 2007-05-18

PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   Sun Mar 19, 2017 11:51 pm

Just wanted to let ya'all know things are lookin' up. On day 4 of this new med and, beit all in my mind or it's really allowing the serotonin to flow more, I'm already doing better !  My wife even noticed a difference. Feels like the clouds and fog are lifting and I'm starting to feel a little again. So praise God for modern medicine and for your prayers !
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Dark period only getting darker   

Back to top Go down
 
Dark period only getting darker
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 2Go to page : 1, 2  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Industrial, Noise, Neofolk, Dark Ambient, Electronic stuff to check...
» Henrik Bath (Harmony, Darkwater)
» Darkwater - New Album Update
» New Songs from Project 86 and Staple
» MC Spyder's B'Day Bash:Darkhouse '96

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Christian Hard Music :: The WORD - Biblical Discussion and Prayer Requests-
Jump to: