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 Am I Being Unreasonable?

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ishmael81

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Age : 36
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PostSubject: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Wed Jul 05, 2017 1:11 pm

So here's the story in bullet points.


  • My grandmother passed away on Thursday 6-22-17.
  • I was off all last week (starting 6-26-17) and didn't return until today (7-5-17).
  • I've been with the organization since 6-1-09, just passed 8 years.
  • I've been with this location since 10-12-12, almost 5 of those 8 years.
  • I received zero condolences cards from any coworkers.
  • My feelings are hurt.
  • Am I being unreasonable?
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kerrick

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Wed Jul 05, 2017 1:16 pm

I suppose it depends on your company's culture.  Working at an engineering firm, I would be very surprised to get any condolences cards if that happened to me.  (Actually, I've had a few grandparents pass during my time here and never got such a card.)  But that's an engineering firm.  Engineers are a different breed than most other "normal" people haha.  Have you received cards in the past for other events?  Have you written or signed cards for your coworkers when they've lost someone close to them?

Either way, I am very sorry for your loss.  Death is a terrible thing.  Was your grandmother a believer?
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Wed Jul 05, 2017 3:26 pm

Thanks Kerrick.

So, yes other people have gotten cards when they lose someone. I've signed lots and lots of them - we're in the human services field...

In fact, the guy I share an office with lost his mother about a year ago. Folks signed a card and we all chipped in to get him a gift card to a restaurant so they wouldn't have to worry about dinner at least once. I know it was his mother and not his grandmother, but still I got nothing. I had a handful of people tell me they were sorry and I appreciate that.

And yes, she was a believer.
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alldatndensum
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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Wed Jul 05, 2017 3:47 pm

With you having been off all that time, I am betting that someone thought of it originally but forgot about it due to your absence.

With that said, I wouldn't think too much about it.  It is a card.  My sister died and I got no cards at the school where I work.  Big deal.  I know that they knew as I took my 3 days of funeral leave.  I keep signing them for others and just take it that someone forgot about it being my turn.  It happens.

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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Wed Jul 05, 2017 5:15 pm

kerrick wrote:
I suppose it depends on your company's culture.  Working at an engineering firm, I would be very surprised to get any condolences cards if that happened to me.  (Actually, I've had a few grandparents pass during my time here and never got such a card.)  But that's an engineering firm.  Engineers are a different breed than most other "normal" people haha.  Have you received cards in the past for other events?  Have you written or signed cards for your coworkers when they've lost someone close to them?

Either way, I am very sorry for your loss.  Death is a terrible thing.  Was your grandmother a believer?

That's just mechanical engineering firms, you people are heartless.  The two structural engineering firms I have been at for the last 20 years have been very good about holding each other up through all kinds of personal problems and challenges.  They have been smaller companies though, of 4 to 20 employees.

If it was me, my feelings would be a little hurt as well.  But I have to confess nobody here has ever gotten a card for anything, plenty of condolences and sympathies (even prayers)....but no cards.....we are still engineers.

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Thu Jul 06, 2017 2:40 pm

First , sorry for your lost buddy.
Second, are they all guys ? Cuz most men in the work place aren't very sentimental and caring as women are. When I worked pharmacy and something happened, the females would hug me and be very sympathetic while the males would just say "hey dude, sorry to hear that man"
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Thu Jul 06, 2017 3:17 pm

That's funny you say that G/F... the Admin building, where my office is, houses about 40 women (counting nurses who work all shifts) and 4 men. That's right - almost all women.

I talked with my wife last night and told her that this is just an indication of where I rank with this place. I don't cause trouble but I definitely challenge the status quo and that means I'm something of a black sheep. I don't mean to be that way but I also don't think we have to do things the same way we have for 30 years just because.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Thu Jul 06, 2017 4:03 pm

Aha ! A troublemaker ! That 'splains it ! 
Just kiddin'  :-P
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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Sat Jul 08, 2017 7:40 am

I'm so sorry for your loss ishmael.
It's good to read your grandmother was a believer.

I can imagine that it will do you good to get condolences of your co-workers.
But not all people are attentive in these things.
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messiaen77

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Tue Jul 11, 2017 6:21 am

I initially thought that it wouldn't bother me if I were in the situation, that I would be ok with just some verbal condolences, but the more I thought about it, I realized that if other people were getting cards and I just got verbal, then yeah, it would bother me because it would make me feel like I less valued.  Couple that with the already-present dissatisfaction with the job/workplace, and yeah, I'd take it pretty personally.  So no, I don't think you are being unreasonable for being bothered by being treated differently from your co-workers.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:39 am

Thanks me77. That's exactly the issue. It's probably multiplied since folks always take staff out to lunch for their birthday and that didn't happen this year for me either. I definitely feel unappreciated...
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Wed Jul 12, 2017 12:49 pm

ishmael81 wrote:
Thanks me77. That's exactly the issue. It's probably multiplied since folks always take staff out to lunch for their birthday and that didn't happen this year for me either. I definitely feel unappreciated...

I got skipped for the "birthday lunch" a few years at my old firm as well (we don't even do that at my new company).  My birthday is usually the week of Thanksgiving, so if the office manager even remembered to bring it up it seemed to get "put off" long enough that I was eventually completely forgotten.

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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Wed Jul 12, 2017 1:24 pm

Staybrite wrote:
ishmael81 wrote:
Thanks me77. That's exactly the issue. It's probably multiplied since folks always take staff out to lunch for their birthday and that didn't happen this year for me either. I definitely feel unappreciated...

I got skipped for the "birthday lunch" a few years at my old firm as well (we don't even do that at my new company).  My birthday is usually the week of Thanksgiving, so if the office manager even remembered to bring it up it seemed to get "put off" long enough that I was eventually completely forgotten.

Ouch. I don't think anyone around here even knows when my birthday is...
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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Thu Jul 13, 2017 7:21 am

Ishmael, when you have given in your birthday on CHM I make a birthday thread for the CHM members.
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: Am I Being Unreasonable?   Thu Jul 13, 2017 8:25 am

That's true! You guys all remember my birthday, and my close friends from church.
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