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 No need to even read this, just need to vent...

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Thu Sep 07, 2017 12:47 pm

I realize things can always be worse and that many have it way worse, but I feel like I'm alone and my struggles have reached a breaking point. Thus the need to vent and be a little cathartic.
My pain continues to increase and the issues I had with my neck before the surgery have slowly returned but are now way worse. I don't want another surgery as I'm emotionally drained from having any more and couldn't afford another one even if I had to, since they take so long to come to a decision on disability and I'm more broke than I was last surgery.
On top of all that pain, stress and sleepless nights, my daughter's decisions have made for a train-wreck within the family. Just 2 weeks before she is to deliver, she says she talked to her baby daddy, the one who told her to abort the baby, threatened to punch her in the stomach to kill it, and held a knife to her throat all night a few months ago which got him thrown in jail for a few months... she told him he can be at the birth. WTH ?? Her mom has taken up the slack for his absence and been there for her every second, taking off time to take her to Dr visits, and putting off a much needed vacation so she can take it the week of her birth, as she invited her mom to be at the birth. She was excited for this day, and at the 11th hour our daughter says, oh, I told him he could be there too. She knows we would be unimaginably uncomfortable with him there, and why should he be there at all ? Oh cuz he's the dad ?? He gave that right up when held a knife to her throat, threatened to kill her and dump her body in the desert, AND threatened to kill that baby ! We told her before we won't be around if he IS, as we cannot pretend he never did those things, or the things before that, or before that, and on and on. 
She basically said she's so thankful for all her help and being there, but now psycho-boy will be there and she can be there too, placing the decision on her. Well, her heartbroken mom told her it's up to her to decide who's more important to her. Cuz not only will we not be there with him, her own brother said he won't either. So her silence either means she's crying in her typical pity party woa is me, or she's made her decision, and it doesn't include her mom or us. 
I don't even know why people want to have kids at all, I swear ! I'm so tired and DONE with all of this. I'm DONE being Switzerland, neutral, keeping my mouth shut, walking on eggshells about the topic of this psycho, I texted her a very straight forward honest text about all of this... 
Having nagging 24/7 pain, and all of this drama that keeps rearing itself increasingly worse every couple months has made me so tired that I've lost all care for anything important and I just want comfort, I'm no longer that strong person I used to be, and I just seek things that can make me laugh, entertain me so I can forget about it all for a little.
Well, as Forrest said, that's all I have to say about that.


Last edited by Guilty/Forgiven on Mon Sep 11, 2017 8:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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ishmael81

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:28 pm

I'm reminded of Romans 12:15, one of my favorite verses:

Be happy with those who are happy and weep with those who weep.

My friend, I have no idea what you are going through. My son is only 8 and while he is one of the greatest joys in my life (other than Christ and my wife), he is also one of my biggest pains in the you-know-what!

I have no words of comfort or help, other than to say as you weep through this situation, I will weep with you. Please continue to reach out here for prayer and any other assistance you may need from us.

Lastly, you said "I just seek things that can make me laugh, entertain me so I can forget about it all for a little." I think this may not be entirely a bad thing. I don't think we should run from our troubles, but I also think we need a Sabbath from things that trouble us. Watch a funny movie with your wife (if you want brownie points, make it one of her favorites), watch a comedy special, or just jump in the car with your wife and enjoy some ice cream together without talking about all this. That's just my unsolicited advice.

Be encouraged friend. Jesus loves you and all this suffering is temporary.
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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Thu Sep 07, 2017 1:37 pm

So sorry to read that Jim.  That does sound horrible, what with your physical stuff going on at the same time too.  I don't know what I'd do in the circumstances, as nothing like that has happened to me before.  I've had situations where you can see what the problem is, but no matter how much you (and other folk) tell them there's something wrong, there's not much you can do until the person realises the problem and acts on it.
I can pray, which sounds a bit lame, but I will do that.
i hope she sees sense though, and realises if he's done that sort of thing in the past, then she needs to send him well away.
Crying or Very sad

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Three Things for a better life...
1 - Believe In Jesus.
2 - Love one another.
3 - Let God be the judge.

That is all I need to say.
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Xid

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:28 pm

Will keep you in prayer, Jim.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:46 pm

Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings, and for praying and the great encouragement. I miss that intimacy with my Father, through no fault of God's I've been reclusive with Him for a long time now. I've tried to sit, read, pray, and "get back into it", but like a person with extreme ADD, I cannot focus on any of it long enough. I know my heart is in a bad place as I am bitter and angry with life, which I didn't "set out to do", it sort of just happened over a period of time. I hate being where I'm at and the pain and surrounding circumstances just feeds it.  I'm thinking of asking the leader of our Sat Night Bible Study to not just pray for me, but to help me back into a strong walk with Christ again. On my own I have no idea how to chip away at a hard heart and to get back to my First Love Who I used to spend so much time with, studying and sharing what I learned with excitement. 
The Michael W Smith song "Missing Person" seems to be written just for me. I've been searching for that missing person...
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Staybrite

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Fri Sep 08, 2017 2:45 pm

Every time I see you in pain my heart breaks a little.  You are one of the friendliest and bright spirited people I know...so to see anything steal that from you makes me feel like it has been stolen from all of us.

My wife has been in chronic pain for the last two months (with not real solution in site), so I feel like I'm starting to be exposed to some of what your poor wife must go through.  The pain effects every aspect of your life, and there is little to nothing your loved ones can do to really help.  If feel Mrs G/F's pain (a little) even If I can't feel yours.  Sad

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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:00 pm

Thanks Gar. It does help just to hear that I have friends who actually care. Again, that's why I love CHM, but feel bad that so many posts in the last couple years have been these venting or whiny ones.

Yep, it's true Gary - I just told my wife this morning that I was so sorry for all that she has to deal with and endure. She's a strong woman, but everyone has their breaking point. I give a lot of credit to those who stick by their spouses when he/she has serious problems that require much attention. 
My wife has been amazingly patient (as have I) with both kids. My son is finally coming around and has become SUPER appreciative of all we've done for him and now knows what it's like to love and take care of your own child. My daughter ? Well, Idk at this point. 

To me, it's simple: If a dog is good to you for a long time, then one day viciously attacks you for no reason, you will never trust that dog again and you CERTAINLY would never risk your baby being near him since he has an unstable nature. 
This is not a matter of forgiveness but of protection. 

My wife and I have decided to pull back completely as we cannot watch this happen.
All normal males are unsettled by a baby crying non-stop for a long time... we want to be able to help or "fix" whatever's wrong, or are just unnerved by the sound after 2 straight hours, think of what this unstable "PTSD" psycho will do !
When this dude shakes that baby and causes irreparable brain damage and he's either slow the rest of his life or DEAD, will it have been worth it ?? 

I'm at a point where I just wanna SHAKE her !!
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rockerVu2

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Sat Sep 09, 2017 7:45 am

Jim, know you are not alone even if you feel it's so.
You have friends on CHM and we pray for you.

Jim God loves it when you tell Him your ramblings.
I hope you can come closer to God at one day.
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messiaen77

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Mon Sep 11, 2017 6:39 pm

Dude, this is what we are here for.  You can't keep all this stuff bottled up inside.
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:48 pm

messiaen77 wrote:
Dude, this is what we are here for.  You can't keep all this stuff bottled up inside.

THIS !!

Nailed it.  

I titled it "No need to even read", cuz when it's too much, I don't even really care if it gets read or not, I just need to unload somewhere and I have no one to unload on. 
There are so many awesome brothers and sisters here at CHM (some who've really helped me thru some amazingly hard times). I want so bad to be done with drama, pain, and other issues and go back to ME being the one giving, helping and praying for others. I guess it's a "man" thing to not like being the one in need.
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Fundy

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Tue Sep 12, 2017 9:53 am

It's very true!  Most men (including me) don't like being the one in need, and needing help.  But that's what's awesome about being in the body of Christ, we can lift everyone up as much as we can, and pray and support them.  Which is why places like this are so important.  We can share our problems and concerns and then others can pray.
So, it's good to share, G/F, and we're more than happy to pray.

_________________
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Silence Is Madness

Three Things for a better life...
1 - Believe In Jesus.
2 - Love one another.
3 - Let God be the judge.

That is all I need to say.
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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:01 am

So can we stop reading this now?  Razz lol!
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Guilty/Forgiven

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:05 pm

Through The Dark Radio wrote:
So can we stop reading this now?  Razz lol!

Not if you keep commenting here  Laughing
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Through The Dark Radio

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Wed Sep 13, 2017 3:47 pm

I don't read, I just comment Very Happy
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MikeInFla

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Fri Sep 22, 2017 6:43 am

I'm a little late to this thread but I will say this is a case of INSANITY!



It is her decision and I fear for her and her child. He isn't going to change and she isn't going to change him. Definitely will be in my prayers. Sounds like they both need a 12 step program and work it.
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Jen5

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PostSubject: Re: No need to even read this, just need to vent...   Sun Sep 24, 2017 5:58 am

I'm late to this discussion too. G/F. Oh my. What a thing to go through. So much going on here to test your faith. I can't begin to imagine what you're feeling. From what you've said, it seems to me that your daughter is acting like many abused people act. To the outsider, it seems incredible that they don't just up and leave their abuser. You are not alone in that feeling. I read that most calls to abuse hotlines are from concerned family and friends? Your saying, "I just want to SHAKE her," is what many of them say. Also, that feeling of helplessness where you want to rescue her but don't know how is normal too. You are not alone there.

Frustrating and awful as it is, your decision to respect her decision is the right one I think. Abusers are all about control. In some way, he'll be controlling her. It wouldn't be good for you to seem to be controlling her decision as well (even though the pressure you use comes from a loving place). You are the shoulder she can cry on and the ear for her to open up to. She might not leave him right away but it's more likely that she will leave if she has the support of her family. If an abused person feels judged by family, they stop trusting them and then stop talking. I watched a friend isolate herself in this way. It was awful. Your daughter needs to make the decision and that is awful for you. My heart goes out to you.

About your pain, chronic pain is awful. It changes how we act, how we relate to others, how we treat others, how we deal with problems, what we are drawn to eat, and if it goes on long enough, it changes who we are. I live with chronic pain. In 20 years, I've tried a lot of self help strategies. Some worked and some did not. If you want to talk coping strategies, I'm your gal.  If you'd like to talk with me about pain, PM me. I know you don't know me very well so I'll understand if you don't feel comfortable, but if you are, I'd be happy to "listen" and make suggestions where I can. Same goes for anyone here who has chronic pain.

In the meantime, I'll pray for you and your family, Jim. I'll also pray for the father, that he will find the help he needs. I hope your daughter's baby is safely delivered.
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